How I Got Emotional Intelligence Wrong

  Үзсэн тоо 355,898

Charisma on Command

2 жилийн өмнө

Since this video was published, we've made some changes and we no longer offer the Emotional Mastery program year round. If you want to know the next time Emotional Mastery is available, you can join our email list on our website www.charismaoncommand.com
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Emotional intelligence is an interesting subject
What does it even mean to be “emotionally intelligent?”
I’ve gone through most of my life feeling pretty great!
I would never blow up on people and I’d hardly get angry
Yes I’d get sad here and there but for the most part I felt happy and excited
Although that was how I truly felt, the methods, mindsets and techniques I learned were simply unsustainable most of the time
So we’re going to dive into where I’m at now and dissecting the flaws of my past approaches
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
00:40 - Point #1: Flawed Perspective: The Control Aspect
04:40 - Point #2: Suppressing Emotions Doesn’t Work Long Term
11:54 - My Skin Care Routine
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#EmotionalIntelligence #CharismaOnCommand #SelfDevelopment
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Сэтгэгдлүүд
rafto129
rafto129 Өдрийн өмнө
I know some people that if i do this exercise with them we'll probably end up stabbing eachother 🤣🤣
Krishanu Banerjee
Krishanu Banerjee 4 өдрийн өмнө
4:57 - "... they come home and kick the dog. This is what we ALL do" - Hold up! No, we don't ALL do that! I'd rather punch a wall and break a knuckle or two!
M Balazs
M Balazs 22 өдрийн өмнө
Why not admit we all are humans with flaws feeling and let it all go and let it burn (unless with your boss one needs the money)
studioaivie
studioaivie 23 өдрийн өмнө
I learned that shifting your perception about things, and continuously convincing yourself about "all things will work out in the end" works for me.
fnvhkbe anvwoåa
fnvhkbe anvwoåa 28 өдрийн өмнө
just get drunk...
Emma
Emma Сарын өмнө
I resent you for.... never pulling an all-nighter XD
Robert McEvoy
Robert McEvoy Сарын өмнө
Yes there is something called Radical Acceptance in AA which can be used here. I know he mentions the book radical honesty, which is another way of putting it. I have no problem getting angry so a radical acceptance of my anger is something I deal with. Radical Acceptance if emotions is great. I would like to know how you dealt with the part about getting out all your emotions and crying afterwards. Cuz sometimes if I'm around certain people and cry I feel wicked better. But some others not so much.
Robert McEvoy
Robert McEvoy Сарын өмнө
Some people just never end up with sleep problems like you Charisma guy. But it isn't bad if you have sleep problems like such as broken sleep or trouble falling asleep to try sleep deprivation. I know it sounds counterintuitive but your body responds naturally.
Andrés Ardon
Andrés Ardon Сарын өмнө
I'm curious on how you know or learned allá this stuff.
Jesse Uribe
Jesse Uribe 2 сарын өмнө
Thank you so much for your content!
CATHERINE SINCLAIR
CATHERINE SINCLAIR 2 сарын өмнө
Really great advice..so honest. Thank you
Vachel Ahmadi
Vachel Ahmadi 2 сарын өмнө
Does Rotogenflux Methods really help to improve your IQ in a short period of time? We've learn numerous good stuff about this iq boost secrets.
Marcell Venglovecz
Marcell Venglovecz 2 сарын өмнө
There is no such thing as emotional intelligence. A journalist made it up from nothing.
MoppyPuppy
MoppyPuppy 2 сарын өмнө
*SHADOW WORK.*
maverick0698
maverick0698 2 сарын өмнө
On that last bit: Yeah, I'd card ya xD
maverick0698
maverick0698 2 сарын өмнө
"Safely be honest" Yeah no, I cannot be safely honest with my mom. She isn't safe to be honest around.
Fischer Lynt
Fischer Lynt 2 сарын өмнө
its crazy. I feel like a switch turns on in my head when I try to express my emotions out loud or in writing where I forget any negative emotion I've ever felt. I feel like a pillar for the people in my life and when I can I'd like to find a new life where how I am able to express doesn't sway the lives of other people. Idk why but this comment section felt like the right pace to say this, I feel like Butters when he professed his sins at the DMV.
Victor Harvey
Victor Harvey 2 сарын өмнө
How do you deal with old repressed emotions from very long ago I’m afraid they will come out like an atom bomb
Victor Harvey
Victor Harvey 2 сарын өмнө
Very intelligent and mature young man
Victor Harvey
Victor Harvey 2 сарын өмнө
I love this vid. I love that phrase aping it lol
Douglas Patey
Douglas Patey 3 сарын өмнө
If you don't confront your feelings, your feelings will confront you.
LiquidCookie
LiquidCookie 3 сарын өмнө
I just found out the last couple of years all the fear that i was supressing. This couple of month from november to today i found all the anger i supressed! I m exited for what comes next!
Murphdawg1 gaming
Murphdawg1 gaming 3 сарын өмнө
"You don't know the power of the dark side."
shinu
shinu 3 сарын өмнө
i love that he said excellent instead of happy as the opposite of depression
Arimaquinador
Arimaquinador 3 сарын өмнө
SERENITY NOW! SERENITY NOW!
Matej Hosner
Matej Hosner 3 сарын өмнө
Shadow (C. Jung)
shaifali parihar
shaifali parihar 3 сарын өмнө
You're 31!! 😳
Alex Bk
Alex Bk 4 сарын өмнө
Sorry but sometimes people dont even let you have the right to be angry :(((
Huynh Linh
Huynh Linh 4 сарын өмнө
Y this moar helpful than schooling
kc cassidy
kc cassidy 4 сарын өмнө
"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy." -Aristotle
Dalgichaeng 0_0
Dalgichaeng 0_0 4 сарын өмнө
Wait till your game lags
Katty Parks
Katty Parks 4 сарын өмнө
I talk to myself help...ouch yet I feel better afterwards..... Then I'm able to deal with sitituation better without the emotional fall...
oiSnowy
oiSnowy 4 сарын өмнө
Elephant riders actually had something they could do when the elephant ran amok. It's just that they'd rather never do it, since it involves a hammer, a stake and you can only do it once to the animal.
Dane James
Dane James 4 сарын өмнө
Imagine listening to a psychologist about depression for 13 minutes when they had to look up the definition right before they started talking. That's what we are doing here with this.
Dane James
Dane James 4 сарын өмнө
EQ isn't a thing and was recently made up.
H. Richardson
H. Richardson 4 сарын өмнө
This is spot on. Repressed anger can also come out as physical symptoms such as back pain, nerve pain, RSI, and the like. Read the books of Prof. John Sarno, who spent his life treating this in people. He links it all to repressed anger as the most dangerous of all repressed emotions. I don’t think you have to express the negativity to the person you’re mad at necessarily, though. Ive found it enough to journal my rage honestly and then afterwards feel a lot better. Often being overly honest with another person will just dump your anger onto them without healing anything, plus if you are someone who repressed guilt, you will also suffer from the guilt of doing that to them, regardless of whether you had their permission.
Elaine Kan
Elaine Kan 5 сарын өмнө
yo charlie all your best videos have the least views this is GENIUS
Shiboline M'Ress
Shiboline M'Ress 5 сарын өмнө
"I have never seen 'Volcanoes' -- But, when Travellers tell How those old -- phlegmatic mountains Usually so still -- Bear within -- appalling Ordnance, Fire, and smoke, and gun, Taking Villages for breakfast, And appalling Men -- If the stillness is Volcanic In the human face When upon a pain Titanic Features keep their place -- If at length the smouldering anguish Will not overcome -- And the palpitating Vineyard In the dust, be thrown? If some loving Antiquary, On Resumption Morn, Will not cry with joy 'Pompeii! To the Hills return!'" - Emily Dickenson
Katy A
Katy A 5 сарын өмнө
Repressed emotions = turning all the colors down. (or something like that) That hit me hard, total 'aha!' moment. Thank you for this video!
Jared Rodriguez
Jared Rodriguez 5 сарын өмнө
I know this video is old, but can you just tell me how to not catch feels? I'm use to all the other stuff.
MadnessEye Ковид XIX
MadnessEye Ковид XIX 5 сарын өмнө
Many thanks to the author. I am grateful with all my heart. I am from Russia and do not know English. I watch the channel on MNpost "Искусство харизмы". Nice to watch you. You instill optimism in life. (text generated google translate)))))
Mattias Grutop
Mattias Grutop 5 сарын өмнө
"They come home and they kick the dog. This is what we all do"
Erik Swiger
Erik Swiger 5 сарын өмнө
Embracing the shadow within, as your own, is the true definition of enlightenment. It doesn't mean we act on all our dark thoughts, but it means that we're aware of them and we don't deny them. Jordan Peterson says we are all capable of becoming Nazis that shoot pregnant women in the back of the head. And he's right.
DJ162
DJ162 6 сарын өмнө
Would It work if i were to try to invest my happiness by investing it for a later time?😂
DovahkiinXPLTMr
DovahkiinXPLTMr 6 сарын өмнө
But, I have never really seen my repressed emotions manifest in any way that I know of.
DovahkiinXPLTMr
DovahkiinXPLTMr 6 сарын өмнө
I believe that I may have always repressed emotions, and I'm not completely sure how to stop.
EVSS
EVSS 7 сарын өмнө
Hey ! Charlie mentions gratitude excerices. Is there a video where this concept is developed ? Thx, I'm grateful
Tim McAuliffe
Tim McAuliffe 8 сарын өмнө
Mate, thank you so much that clears so much up. I wish I knew that a year ago makes sense now
Daniel Starr
Daniel Starr 8 сарын өмнө
Stoicism: repress, be polite, then pound a couple beers before yelling like Goku. This is the only way.
Sofia
Sofia 9 сарын өмнө
Charlie! i can never thank you enough. i believe this is one of the more important videos I've seen on your channel, it opened up a whole world that was unknown to me but that can truly be the key to happiness and contentment. i am surely going to practice my emotional intelligence from now on. thank you so much!
Maik Wokwik
Maik Wokwik 9 сарын өмнө
Thank you. Something was off with Me the past few weeks, and i imagined that i repressed a certain feeling Or memory. It was actually My hatred for My colleagues at work that i forgot. Ive Been there for 2.5 years to finish my traineeship (around 5 months to Go), but i resent every aspect of it. I started playing nice at some Point, to not get into Trouble, but at some point it looks like i decieved myself into thinking that "its not thaaaat Bad", which simply isnt the case. Good Video, never imagined i would find My answer here, for a question i couldnt even articulate. You helped me a Lot, thanks My friend :)
Donald Osongo
Donald Osongo 10 сарын өмнө
Kindly do one for emotional maturity
Donald Osongo
Donald Osongo 10 сарын өмнө
This the best psychology lesson, that induces high self-esteem.... Thumbs up!!!
Knownasbomb
Knownasbomb 10 сарын өмнө
Guy ur so good. U should be invincible with everyday challenges
Knownasbomb
Knownasbomb 10 сарын өмнө
Also, i know this isnt true. The more u know, the more u owe. But there's a good side tho not a doubled edged sword type of thing
samboyaus
samboyaus 10 сарын өмнө
This is a tricky one for me. I think I used to supress my emotions when I was younger but as I've gotten a bit older and understood myself better, I've learnt to accept that I am quite an emotional person, but I still don't know if I manage them properly. I've cried at work when dealing with difficult people, and it does not help the situation. I don't believe I said or did anything inappropriate when I got emotional like this, but I know it makes people uncomfortable and makes them think that I'm overly sensitive or can't handle pressure. To anyone reading this comment, how do you balance not supressing your emotions, but also not overtly expressing them in inappropriate ways?
KJ Cabrera
KJ Cabrera 10 сарын өмнө
In my experience you don't try to blow it all out in one moment - which was also one of my flaws before. I learned to somehow take all of whatever emotion that is you want to let go into one ball. But instead of letting it loose all at once, you can divide it up into little pieces, then let those pieces go one by one each day, convincing yourself that "It's okay to be angry this week", or it's "okay to be sad this 2 next weeks", because it is indeed okay to feel those things. However, if those emotions are connected to someone, you might need to confront or tell them someday about it. Otherwise that ball of emotional repression will keep coming back over.
Daisy Daisy
Daisy Daisy 10 сарын өмнө
❤️
Snairdie
Snairdie 10 сарын өмнө
You're right! It makes me toxic positive cause I neglect this emotions. Maybe it's time to embrace them. The part where you're not laughing at his joke anymore is so accurate. I always thought there was something more in positivity and this was it, acknowledging your negative emotions on someone and giving them a time to shine but in a healthy way.
Xplicit M.C
Xplicit M.C 10 сарын өмнө
You know, this reminds me of a movie I watched late at night where a woman murdered another woman she’d envied and long story short, she was all happy at a panoramic rising sunshine scene as if she finally released it lol, I think it was a comedy, but a dark one.
Nulliverse
Nulliverse 10 сарын өмнө
Be aware of your own thoughts, be aware that certain emotion is happening and see it from observer perspective. You can react to your anger ,it's normal, but you have control to just see it as a neutral thing and obeserve it instead of react to it
June Lam
June Lam 10 сарын өмнө
What are some ways to increase your IQ score over 15 points? I read plenty of good opinions on the net about how exactly Rotogenflux Methods can help you improve your IQ in a short period of time. Has anybody tried using this iq course?
Ethan Smith
Ethan Smith 10 сарын өмнө
Heard more true expression in that 13 minute youtube clip than I've heard in person over the past two years. Just wow.
Avesta Alamgiralam
Avesta Alamgiralam 10 сарын өмнө
C: And we kick the dog, we all do it Me: You do you
Son Goku
Son Goku 10 сарын өмнө
We drank we fought we made our ancestors proud
Olga S.
Olga S. 10 сарын өмнө
It is surprising how ppl around you can support or even enforce the repression (bc. they are uncomfortable with certain emotions, or even genuinely want to help). I remember complaining to all my friends about a breakup. One of them (on the first day) told me (in an almost ordering manner) "don't be sad". At that moment I found it utterly frustrating, almost as if she was denying me the right to feel, what I thought was absolutely appropriate. But even after explaining to her that it was a process, one has to go through and I couldn't just switch it off she insisted on it.
Lisa LPH
Lisa LPH 11 сарын өмнө
IMHO, it's better to journal alone than to have a confrontational discussion with a friend in an effort to do this self exploration of negative feelings.
Carrie Kay
Carrie Kay 11 сарын өмнө
Omg, this has hit home in a big way! Being in a relationship where I couldn't figure out why I was feeling numbed out by a partner who suppresses emotions. I was shamed for being authentic, but yet I was dying inside with an overwhelming feeling of "Something isn't right here, why do I want to run from this person?" It was suffocating, and I thought I was a terrible person for feeling this perpetual angst. This video gave me the ability to breathe again! I am amazed. I thought I would never get free, but I did. I'll never go back to being emotionally suffocated.
Ileana Mendoza
Ileana Mendoza 11 сарын өмнө
I notice many people keep on speaking about Rotogenflux Methods. But I'm not sure if it is good. Have you ever tried using this intelligence boost system?
eva wasnik
eva wasnik 11 сарын өмнө
Can v marry 💍?
Gordana Čupković
Gordana Čupković 11 сарын өмнө
You are wonderful. Thank you for your work, you're making a difference, you beautiful man. Lots of love.
Zoie Spencer
Zoie Spencer 11 сарын өмнө
One of the most aggravating feelings ever, is when you are being pelted with little nuances everyday, until years later, when you finally had enough and give an outburst- you finally get to exhaust all your ire, and yet everyone only thinks that whatever has been done wrong, was too minor to be a big deal. My only advice? Be a non-political, unreligious Christian (yes, those kinds of people, DO exist), who likes to drown in coffee and Owl City tracks.
Lauren Conrad
Lauren Conrad 11 сарын өмнө
As a person who has been in cognitive behavioral therapy for years, I know that as humans, we have irrational feelings all the time. But it helps to know where those irrational feelings come from because they all come from somewhere. If you're angry at that other person talking to your best friend for no clear reason, that might be because you're jealous of the attention that your friend gets and that stems from being bullied and rejected by other kids as a child. Don't shame yourself for feeling angry. Just acknowledge your feelings, take a few deep breaths, and get to know your friend's new friend before you proceed to judge anyone. But know that your own past hurt is justified even if it doesn't directly impact this situation unless you let it.
Doctor Shell
Doctor Shell 11 сарын өмнө
We need to drop the word “should” from our language.
Aquarellina
Aquarellina 11 сарын өмнө
This is extremely helpful. We can't bury our emotions we have to get them out somewhere, at least in a journal or let that person know how we felt
Micah J Hoffman
Micah J Hoffman 11 сарын өмнө
You’re like a young Fr. Mike Schmitz from the Ascension Presents YT channel.
Sokchhay Heng
Sokchhay Heng 11 сарын өмнө
i dont see the link to the free writing and meditation link. anyone can help
Lethabo
Lethabo 11 сарын өмнө
fam you do look 22🤯🤯
Michael Alber
Michael Alber 11 сарын өмнө
Not recognizing your emotions is not recognizing who you are. You are living in a dream world and need to work with your emotions. It's part of being human. Eventually those emotions will come out if you try to repress them.
Angela C
Angela C 11 сарын өмнө
Thank you for this. I started crying during the video, thinking of all the times I rationalized my way through anger and hurt. This really changed how I view emotional intelligence
Katie Gray
Katie Gray 11 сарын өмнө
Wow. I have never related to something more.
Jim B
Jim B 11 сарын өмнө
What's missing from this conversation is the spectrum of emotional intensity and emotional depths that are available (it hasn't been mapped and is probably infinite). Some experience things with more complexity and feel more intensely. Your road to self-mastery will be a different one than those that have less depths to navigate. It takes all types. No one is wrong or superior here. Humanity benefits from the diversity of wiring that is displayed throughout humandom. Emotional mastery (just like enlightenment) is not a permanent state one achieves and then never loses. We are ever-expanding and mutating beings who remain mysteries to ourselves even as we gather self-knowledge and awareness. It's not like a diploma that can't be taken away from you. Enjoy and savor the plateaus you reach, but don't fool yourself into thinking you've got it all figured out. Get comfortable in the never-ending field of consciousness and the great mystery of it all. Efficiency is one of the sacred cows of capitalism and this speaker seems to express frustration of the discovery that emotions can't be made to serve extrinsic demands of the external forces that want us to perform like robots. There's nothing wrong with striving to perform well and achieve through self-mastery, but you are not a robot and never will be. Be welll!
Shelea Nia
Shelea Nia 11 сарын өмнө
Lol yes I forget that you're older than you look
General Zimmer
General Zimmer 11 сарын өмнө
I wish I saw this video years ago when I hadn't realized this myself...
Gabriel Fifield
Gabriel Fifield Жилийн өмнө
I got the chills at a point during the video. I realized that maybe I have a lot of things inside me that I don't even know are there.
What if there were just 100 people in the world?
What if there were just 100 people in the world? Жилийн өмнө
oh cause of this video I started to read a book "Radical honesty" and I just finished the introduction, which I can agree with autor so much, I've been in psychoterapy for 2 years and it helped me a lot. Idk if I should countinue to read this book, I'm afraid it may break my secure thing in my head which is anyway fragile.
well yeah
well yeah Жилийн өмнө
He is like he's own psychologist
Lyfee Lai
Lyfee Lai Жилийн өмнө
Thank you very much for the advice. I called out on a friend for his behaviour and felt frustrated with myself afterwards. Maybe it's also good for me to express my feelings.
David Po
David Po Жилийн өмнө
What you do is more important than what you feel. Feelings are valid, but actions are forever. You can never fully control your heart, sometimes it will just do things wrong because humans are imperfect. Also you don't make a kid say they're sorry because they have to really feel sorry for their actions, you do it to teach the kid to do the right thing even when they don't feel like it. Also for your story at 5:34, isn't it better that your feelings came out as "not laughing" and "not calling him" instead of blowing up in his face? One, the consequences can ruin a friendship; the second, the consequences are felt mostly by you, and he might not have even noticed the negativity.
Marcus Julian
Marcus Julian Жилийн өмнө
I appreciate your honesty, to make yourself vulnerable just to help other people. The moment I realized I was suppressing those negative emotions was a deep one. First youre tough, youre strong you can handle all that people throw at you. Then people think its okay to treat you bad because you never let them know what bothers you. Time passes and you experience a loss of control over yourself, youre easy to trigger and your suppressed emotions explodes like a volcano. From this state, without adressing and working on your feelings, it only gets worse. The absolute most basic step to get over this is to be brutally honest to yourself. Accept the fact you have this vicious, narrow-minded thoughts and emotions. You are a human being, it is absolutely okay to have these. Everyone has these to a certain degree. Get to know them. Take your time to fully understand where they truly have their roots. You need to adress the problem first before you are able to work in it.
Savannah Roshan Hayworth-Weste
Savannah Roshan Hayworth-Weste Жилийн өмнө
I feel like often times anger is misunderstood. It can be a good emotion at times. Getting pissed about injustice leads to justice, frustration over something tedious and time consuming leads to innovation , becoming bitter when things arent going your way leads to finding a better way. I fought so hard against my anger for so long trying to suppress it deeper and deeper behind a sweet smile until the day that same smile became seething. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to find an out lit some way that wasn’t myself or others. And that’s when I found... Punk Rock. Wailing on my bass guitar or screaming lyrics at the top of my lungs was the only other thing that satisfied my anger. Because of this, my anger became songs. And therefore something positive. Anger is possibly one of the most powerful emotions (it is one of the seven deadly sins), and something that powerful should be used for good. If you are mad, it means you care. Go do something about it (in a healthy way).
Gabriella Powell
Gabriella Powell Жилийн өмнө
Very helpful , I really appreciate these videos they help me make important life decisions
Ernest Mallory
Ernest Mallory Жилийн өмнө
Its still shock me just how lots of people have no idea about Rotogenflux Methods although many people improve their IQ in a short period of time with it. Thanks to my mate who told me about this. I have my IQ score increased over 15 points.
David Lemon jelly
David Lemon jelly Жилийн өмнө
THIS IS THE ANSWER TO MY LIKE QUESTION THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH 👍🏻💡🎻🙋‍♀️👏🥬😂👩🏻‍🎓☮️☮️❤️
David Lemon jelly
David Lemon jelly Жилийн өмнө
*LIFE
Edupardo98
Edupardo98 Жилийн өмнө
thanks
tolkarius58
tolkarius58 Жилийн өмнө
different book, elephant is from Jonathan Haidt not Kahnemann
Star Smoke
Star Smoke Жилийн өмнө
Suppressing Emotions was my coping mechanism growing up in a toxic home, now that coping mechanism is ruining my life. Huh, ironic, way to brain, way to go..... :/
Katherine Kaye Rodriguez
Katherine Kaye Rodriguez Жилийн өмнө
1. Create space (Radical Honesty) 2. External 3. Experiential aspect of Emotional Intelligence
Alfateh Yusof
Alfateh Yusof Жилийн өмнө
is it okay to express emotions in the situation in a calm manner?
H2O Gaming
H2O Gaming Жилийн өмнө
Omg I needed this!!
Ryan West
Ryan West Жилийн өмнө
I really, _really_ love these videos where you turn your formidable psychological expertise inward, towards yourself, and demonstrate the subtle distinction between knowledge and knowing.
Brays1994
Brays1994 Жилийн өмнө
This video is so me it almost made me cry. Thank you.
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