How To Stop A Bully Immediately

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Charisma on Command

8 сарын өмнө

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Amazon’s The Boys is full of personalities that are fun to watch but would be terrible to encounter in real life.

Superpowers aside, we’ve all encountered this type: tough guy bully who tries to push you around, make you uncomfortable, or get you to agree to something you don’t really want. So that’s why in this video we’ll cover 6 psychological tricks bullies use to control you and what you can do to avoid or stop those them in their tracks.
NB! Since we’re mainly using Billy Butcher and Homelander as examples of our tough guys, there will be light spoilers through season 1 of the Boys.

0:00 - Intro.
0:38 - #1: Mismatching friendly gestures with domineering physicality.
1:39 - #2: Forcing you to make decisions in a highly emotional state.
3:39 - #3: Listen for the insult.
5:21 - #4: Demands with personal threats attached.
7:01 - #5: Threaten you with their own harm or sadness.
#TheBoys #CharismaOnCommand

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WillN2Go1 3 өдрийн өмнө
The emotional 'one time for next five minutes only' offer? Don't even respond. You give it legitimacy and the bully weight when you feel you need to explain yourself. If they haven't offered a very clear reason why it's now or never, then why feel any need to explain yourself to them? A lawyer one time gave me a low ball offer; said I had five minutes to take it or it would be off the table. (There was absolutely no reason for this deadline.) He stomped away and I got back to asking my lawyer the few pertinent questions I wanted answers to. Then my lawyer interrupted me, "Aren't you going to respond to his offer?" I couldn't believe my $350/hour lawyer thought that I should do something about the $650/hour bully's non-offer. The only answer was 'the guy is a fool, he doesn't deserve any response." I waited a month wrote the other party a letter restating my offer and why it was good all round - no time limit. And I got it -not because I out did someone, but because I made a reasonable offer. re: wait for the insult. I think bullies have scripts they like to follow. Disrupt the script, disrupt the bully. If you expect an insult - walk away, or 'stop right there.' A bully was trying to start something with me in middle school, I was busy doing something else, so annoyed I just snapped, "Don't f around, " and immediately thought, oops - I'm gonna get pounded now.... He just said 'oh' and walked away. ....Again you're explaining things. The bully knows they're being unreasonable, letting them know that you know sort of goes along with their BS. Remember basic behaviorism: Any reinforcement, including negative reinforcement reinforces the behavior (that's why the same guys are always in fights, even when they always lose.) The way to extinguish an unwanted behavior is to ignore it. You get yourself in a hole when you use fictional dramatic examples for your video. These are different from real life. Real life doesn't need the scene or interaction to go anywhere, but drama always needs to 'play,' or there's no story. Hence, in dramatic examples everything one character does needs a dramatic response from the other character. In real life, bullies are trying to get something over on someone else. They know it's wrong (even thought most bullies believe themselves to be enforcing an important social norm). All you want is for it to stop. In one of my 8th grade classes a girl turned around and slapped a boy across the face. "Look what she just did!" he said. I made him move his seat, told him he had better stop it. "But she hit me." "I'm not going to tell you again." Later I found out he'd been whispering horrible things to her. When he did it again I called in his parents. There was no dramatic flow.
SpaceCouncil 3 өдрийн өмнө
"That's really disrespectful" - That won't get you anywhere. The person is trying to make fun of you, disrespect is the entire goal of their interaction with you.
Commies Are filth
Commies Are filth 5 өдрийн өмнө
That guy got the red pill description wrong lol, typical hollywood.
Doggoman 6 өдрийн өмнө
Sorry, but only one thing works against bullies, thats violence Look them deep in the eyes and say "You really think im afraid of you? just cuz ur bigger? i'll just find something big and large and beat you when you turn ur back, i dont care"
Patrick Freeman
Patrick Freeman 7 өдрийн өмнө
The worst fact is this: Bullies don't want a fight, they want a Victim. So don't be a victim...what? If you were able to stop being a victim, you would have, right? The bottom line is that you, as you know yourself, must die. You need to stop coercing yourself into a non-victim and re-program yourself - write down a couple dozen behaviors, boil it down to 5 related traits (eye contact, hands not hidden behind you, know a joke or two, unemotionally admit to your mistakes " Yeah, not my greatest hour" and move on.) These are for instances. Eye contact might be borrowed from a TV hero, hands visible from the Gilmore Girls. You get to choose what behaviors you want to change, and you might start modestly, but you can get there.
Jake Lamb
Jake Lamb 8 өдрийн өмнө
Says “where I come from” to someone of south-east Asian descent. *immediately gets cancelled*
hmm 9 өдрийн өмнө
If the teachers or principle dont do nothing may I like break the bully's leg like if they dont do nothing Im free to deal with how ever I want right? Because if you get in trouble for breaking one of their body part would that not be fine?
Jacks-Over 11 өдрийн өмнө
"That's disrespectful don't ever call me that again" Or What? What are you going to do? Telling someone they're being disrespectful when they're trying to be disrespectful doesn't work.
Matej Matyáš Mikloš, The Vegan God Of Water
Matej Matyáš Mikloš, The Vegan God Of Water 13 өдрийн өмнө
Matej Matyáš Mikloš, The Vegan God Of Water
Matej Matyáš Mikloš, The Vegan God Of Water 13 өдрийн өмнө
Mike Reiss
Mike Reiss 14 өдрийн өмнө
Wait, until they apologize? Lol. With many people you will be waiting a long time. Some will never apologize.
Jon Judice
Jon Judice 15 өдрийн өмнө
I was from the generation that sucked it up and dealt with it. I went to a private school with only 1 class per grade so it was same people day after day for years and everyone got picked on and teased, for how you looked, how you acted, and even what your name was. What actually ended up happening was it no longer bothered us and we were able to laugh at how clever their insults were and they became nicknames and when we graduated we all signed each other's binders with those names.
Connor G.
Connor G. 16 өдрийн өмнө
Whenever someone squeezes my hand hard, I naturally squeeze back way harder than I initially intended, and that’s just out of habit of doing it to my older brother. I have a generally firm handshake (especially for modern day guys) and people don’t typically squeeze back. I’m not trying to assert dominance, it’s just habit. Also, dad told me that people respect a firm handshake. And no, firm doesn’t mean you’re stopping up blood vessels
mathurm100 21 өдрийн өмнө
be certain in yourself. maintain gravitas when you speak. ignore whiners and if someone questions you address them decisively. doesn't matter if you're right in your position. it matters that you HAVE a position. most people don't. and most people don't know what the eff they're doing in life anyway.
4N0nym0u5 UwU
4N0nym0u5 UwU Сарын өмнө
intsructions unclear: I now have a harem of very muscular girls. help pls
Just some guy really just a guy
Just some guy really just a guy Сарын өмнө
I feel like some of these tips won't work when the bully decides to keep throwing paper at your head. Or walking Into you in the hallway.
Hes Nasty
Hes Nasty Сарын өмнө
let em do what they came to do,
mkervelegan Сарын өмнө
If bullying were suddenly outlawed, America's economy would grind to a crashing halt.
Rodney Kingston
Rodney Kingston Сарын өмнө
When I was a kid, it wasn't like it is now. Adults had a real hands off policy when it came to bullies. They'd do nothing! They'd treat you like you were contemptible for complaining that some kid twice your size was assaulting you. If someone was assaulting them, they could call the police, but what could a kid do? It's probably a good thing I don't have kids because I would give them permission to stab anyone who bullied them.
S. Akhtar Joomun
S. Akhtar Joomun Сарын өмнө
"Wait until they apologize"?! I'm still sitting outside of the house of my 5th-grade bully, waiting for him to apologize. I was about to give up and go home, but now that I've watched this video, I'm not going anywhere.
ali bre
ali bre Сарын өмнө
My ex has to live in the home I live in. He gets right in my face as I try to ask something or whatever. He is a bully. I hide in my room. I have called the police to file a report but they are on his side. He was better after that but is now back to verbal abuse, name calling. It is a nightmare. Help!
hey can any body help me i get bullied by everyone because i cannot fight i want to quit to interact with them so please anybody knows how to please reply
Dana Winslett
Dana Winslett Сарын өмнө
I've watched many of your videos, and I'm quite impressed with the analytical systems you're using, coupled with video examples we can instantly recognize and understand. Where can I learn more about you and what you are trying to achieve?
Charlie Mountain
Charlie Mountain Сарын өмнө
Remember that it is we who torment, we who make difficulties for ourselves - that is, our opinions do. What, for instance, does it mean to be insulted? Stand by a rock and insult it, and what have you accomplished? If someone responds to insult like a rock, what has the abuser gained with his invective? - Discourses I, 25.28-29
LA2047 Сарын өмнө
Bully: "just stop being a c*nt, that's what I'm saying" Victim: "Where I come from that's very offensive. Don't call me that again." Silence... waiting for the apology... Silence... still waiting for the apology... Bully (leaning in so you can see and near clearly): "c*nt." So... what do you do NOW?
Lance D Boyle
Lance D Boyle Сарын өмнө
well that was crap.
Cassie Not Lassie
Cassie Not Lassie Сарын өмнө
I keep forgetting that you're promoting your self help stuff. Seems kind of dishonest, actually.
Wilma Barnes
Wilma Barnes Сарын өмнө
The unnatural skate practically lie because commission emphatically mend athwart a opposite random. political, obnoxious basement
Calvin Westbrook
Calvin Westbrook Сарын өмнө
Homelander isn't fake friendly, he's just a sociopath trying to appear normal and affectionate most of the time
Daniel Smith
Daniel Smith Сарын өмнө
Verbal aikido. Use your bully's energy to take them off balance.
Thomas Сарын өмнө
My dad has the philosophy, "the bullies might win, but i guarantee you they won't want to try it again." I lived by that in every fight I've ever been in and have been astonished every time. One guy I lost to, years later, wanted to have a "starring contest" with me; of course it was an attempt to intimidate me but I "won" that and he was friendly from there on. The biggest thing you have to overcome in fighting/bullying is your fearful mentality. Don't get me wrong, even innocent fights can be deadly, but its still just a fight. Get it over with and try not to get addicted to the feelings you get afterward. You can either take a beating laying down or you can take one standing up. A well known bully in my high school tried to pick on me in the school cafeteria while he had his much larger buddies with him by taking my hat and holding out of my reach since he was taller than me. After he refused to give it back, I started losing patience and grabbed him by his shirt and pulled his face to mine saying "". I had stopped reaching for my hat by that point and didn't bother to look at his buddies. Guess he and his buddies could see I was about to opt for the violent option because he looked at his buddies who did nothing at all and then put my hat back in my hand with the angriest look in his eyes. I didn't understand at the time why he looked so angry yet surrendered to me. Now I know why: he wasn't looking for a fight, but a victim and ended up humiliated in front of everyone around because he was too scared to follow through (teachers either didn't notice or didn't care). I never was good with words so I lifted weights and practiced fighting
Joshua Sloan
Joshua Sloan Сарын өмнө
What if they get physical?
Rogério Santana
Rogério Santana Сарын өмнө
"Don't ever call me that again"... "and wait for the person to apologize." Does that apply to the real world?
Zakaria a
Zakaria a Сарын өмнө
what's the names of the 2 movies in the begining part of the video pls?
Survival Games
Survival Games Сарын өмнө
Looool I’d love somone to try to bully me
Palmer Cooper
Palmer Cooper Сарын өмнө
So making a decision on a purchase while you're in a heightened emotional state is bad? What if the decision is no? Whatever is being sold, will probably be on sale tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Just sayin...
WinChun78 2 сарын өмнө
I ended the last one with, "Either you get up and leave now or you'll leave on a f-ing stretcher". It worked and the right thing to say if some bozo tries to chat up your girlfriend when you have gone to the bar to get served with drinks.
Six Mag
Six Mag 2 сарын өмнө
My brother has called me every name in the book (he's thrity-four and still does) whenever he doesn't get his way. He's literally, and I mean LITERALLY, never apologized for anything he's ever done, much less for insulting me. The one trick to getting past this is to just let it go and accept they will never change.
MrSpartanspud 2 сарын өмнө
That whole "where I come from that's really disrespectful" segment sounds like horrible advice to me.
cert2b 2 сарын өмнө
And if push comes to shove. You could take the Billy Butcher approach and just call the bully a c**t.
kieghacat 2 сарын өмнө
Jordan Peterson gives good advice on how to deal with bullies. A guy who once worked on a rail construction site was teased by the other workers - he took it personally so the teasing continued. He could have smoothed over the whole situation by just laughing it off with them.
meanwhile back on earth
meanwhile back on earth 2 сарын өмнө
everybody fears something. find those fears and prey upon them. after all it's what they're doing to you .
Jorge Libs
Jorge Libs 2 сарын өмнө
The best advice I've ever heard was from a Calvin & Hobbes comic where Calvin is getting bullied and asks "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" To which the bully replies "They hit back"
Azariah Kyras
Azariah Kyras 2 сарын өмнө
I dont know where you grew up man, but people are not that nice its pretty hard to stand up and defend yourself without seeming kind of a d*** yourself but hey it better than being called 'weak' or worse treated like you are weak
Troy Lewis
Troy Lewis 2 сарын өмнө
Taking life lessons from The Boys hmmm... edible Yawn!
Musheo Peaus
Musheo Peaus 2 сарын өмнө
6.35. Jujitsu your boss ???
Sunshine Hades
Sunshine Hades 2 сарын өмнө
Joxman2k 2 сарын өмнө
I am so easily manipulated. I went to a travel site for a hotel room, an a box came up saying the 3 people were looking at the room in the last five minutes! I panicked and got the room. I was like "OH MY GOD NO!!! MUST GET NOW!!!! :P
Merlin ORKO
Merlin ORKO 2 сарын өмнө
I do #3 all the time and I just realized that. Because never ever responded in a way that I can understand the situation I have put them in. Most of them 80% submit and stay silent, 20% fight and lose because they feel need to defend themselves instead talk about the problem that coursed the situation.
peaceful warrior
peaceful warrior 2 сарын өмнө
Sh*t... Oh no.. Oh no... I'm a bully!
Anonymous User
Anonymous User 2 сарын өмнө
I love you AND (not BUT) I’m not going to do that. “BUT” creates confusing double-speak and intrinsically falsifies your statements. Arya to John Snow in Game of Thrones: “Father says everything that comes before “BUT” in a sentence is a lie.”
Firiyuu 2 сарын өмнө
What if they go after your physical appearance.
Content N' stuff
Content N' stuff 2 сарын өмнө
Mate the best way to deal with a bully: Passionately and aggressively kiss them, their either too uncomfortable to face you, or they grow an affection and you’ve gained a companion. Either way you still win.
Moyo Mongoose
Moyo Mongoose 2 сарын өмнө
That doesn't work with all bullies. I once made a handshake crusher turn loose by reaching my other hand around to tickldig under his armpit with my index finger.
J. S.
J. S. 2 сарын өмнө
Bullying from “appoint managers” at work is pretty much the only place I’ve ever encountered these scenarios. Unfortunately they are inescapable for most part. If you resist, stand firm or even apply the strategies in the video the crappy boss will simply “eliminate the position” you are employed in. Note, I didn’t say “fired” because weak bosses usually have just enough career experience with employees that can’t be bullied,. Weak bosses know that generally “un-bully-able” staff are pretty competent with company policies, labor laws and the general practices of the industry they are working in.
Ferdinand Zebua
Ferdinand Zebua 2 сарын өмнө
Link to the "Insults" video, maybe? Someone..?
hydrolito 2 сарын өмнө
If they come looking for you for the job offer is most often a scam. Although some advertisements for jobs can also be scams.
Jon Wax
Jon Wax 2 сарын өмнө
Bullying ends at age 18. After that age it's assault and battery. There's laws in place for this. Kids don't know the law so when they get attacked it's called bullying because if we called it what it is, half of your kids would be in the legal system. Learn to asset yourself. Get comfortable with confrontation. Never curb your basic needs for the sake of keeping things polite.
Deedless Deity
Deedless Deity 2 сарын өмнө
This is all completely useless if you're dealing with a real Narcissist, Borderliner or Antisocial (Psychopath/Sociopath) targeting you for real, gaslighting you with no break and turning your social circles against you, spreading lies, when you don't even noticed yet that something's going on. Physical bullies are simple...
Deedless Deity
Deedless Deity 2 сарын өмнө
#5 cannot be applied universally, because sometimes you're dealing with a true victim, true target of abuse, so broken that it needs that very kind of help. At least to get to a point of self-sufficiency again. For example when having gone through severe trauma; it is often impossible then to talk about the thing or summarize it, unless you ask specific questions, for it overwhelms the brain. The victim here will also have trouble writing the stuff down; that is where you can come in to help: Ask specific questions, not too broad ones, and write the things down, then try to summarize the text into cliff notes. That makes it easier for possible law enforcement and future therapists. Otherwise your friend can be stuck with not getting justice within any legal timeframe or ever. The important part is to learn to discern between manipulative perpetual and professional victims (usually narcissistic and borderline personality disorder) and real victims (usually targets of the previously mentioned)
Deedless Deity
Deedless Deity 2 сарын өмнө
4:30 You forgot "C: Have to keep in your life because there is no escape" Please don't be so naive.
Careless Dreamer
Careless Dreamer 2 сарын өмнө
number 4 has come up alot in my life and has been the most difficult for me to handle, thanks for the advice i'll try implementing your suggestions as best i can
Pedro Martins João
Pedro Martins João 2 сарын өмнө
To end the insults once and forever one must say "Where I come from, that is really disrespectful. Don’t ever call me that again." (4m54s) What if the person continues with the insults, non stop?
Motorsports in Japan
Motorsports in Japan 3 сарын өмнө
Much of this sounds like it was written by someone who has never been bullied, only studied bullying at college.
ablurida 3 сарын өмнө
Love this show! Instant like. But also I genuinely learnt a lot here, thanks guys
Minnesota Vibes
Minnesota Vibes 3 сарын өмнө
I was like 10 or 11 and on the bus to school. This kid behind me kept annoying me. I first tried ignoring him, then he started poking me, so I started telling him to stop. He didn’t so I turned around and clocked him in the face. The school and my mom were pissed but I have never seen my dad more proud of me before
Nope Nope
Nope Nope 3 сарын өмнө
1990s: How to not let bullies ruin your life 2020: Hurr durr simp
Random User
Random User 3 сарын өмнө
What makes you think that a bully who insults you will apologize or simply will back off when you say "don't ever call me that" ? He will most likely say "Or what?" and then you gonna have to fight them.
Mardisa Hassan
Mardisa Hassan 3 сарын өмнө
what if they say somethinng mean you use the resones and then they say they don't care. how do you stop them then?
Icey F
Icey F 3 сарын өмнө
I saw someone drowning and I had to take a night to decide whether or not to save them
Kayden Screen
Kayden Screen 3 сарын өмнө
Who else thinks there going to get into a fight
General Videos
General Videos 3 сарын өмнө
I like your authentic advices.
BING HELLWAGNER 3 сарын өмнө
Bullying is one of the present problem everywhre , in the School ,at Work. Media and at Home .... but what concerned me most are the Children ..It has existed already before in the 60's but unknown ..I myself was a victim at the age of 9. a relative had bullied me , on the 3rd time she hit me , I pulled her hair and took her to our Teacher and told what happened ., so it stopped there but we never talk with each other since then ,2nd when I was in College , a classmate had spread things about me , so I was in 70 , and lifted her bed with her on it and told the Dorm .Manager and she was removed from the Room . and got a warning ...more to come but I have learned to protect myself ......So my advice PROTECT YOURSELF then HIRE A LAWYER ..
NicoGF 3 сарын өмнө
Loved the learn bjj part, liked the rest. Useful stuff. I think this channel is cool.
James D3
James D3 3 сарын өмнө
Thank you for this video. I can see myself watching it several times.
Manlihood 3 сарын өмнө
I was bullied in middle school very badly. The BIGGEST way to overcome bullies is when you overcome yourself. You've got to be secure in yourself first. When you know who you are, and what you stand for, their manipulation means so much less.
Fred Flintstone
Fred Flintstone Сарын өмнө
I was bullied in the work place. 3rd person insults are clever. There is not defense other than knowing yourself and agreeing with some of what they say. Like in the final battle of 8mile.
Gallowglass 3 сарын өмнө
"Where I come from that is really disrespectful. Don't ever call me that again." To me that would only make them enjoy insulting you more, unless they're trying to appear respectful, in front of other people. They might just hit you.
avalanche156 3 сарын өмнө
You don't look like a confident guy - so, c'mon, why would I wanna buy your course?
JRohn English
JRohn English 3 сарын өмнө
I know you are but what am I ....bully killed ur welcome
Rushil Jain
Rushil Jain 3 сарын өмнө
Infact sensitivity towards other people and towards the nature of one of the greatest fundamentals in one's life for a peaceful life that is more connected to the ultimate. If you are a brag and constantly arrogent, the universe doenst open up. So be strong yet very sensitive and gentle
Yuvna G.
Yuvna G. 3 сарын өмнө
*Now you know butcher is a big bully then homelander 😅😳*
Poison Jarl
Poison Jarl 3 сарын өмнө
Someone send this to Pence
sartoriusrock 3 сарын өмнө
To number three, if they respond to “where I come from that’s disrespectful” with “Oh really? And what are you going to do about it?” Is it still the best policy to say nothing?
Ludwig van El
Ludwig van El 3 сарын өмнө
Using scarcity to make big decisions; How many years ago was Antarctica gonna melt & flood Manhattan, according to Gore?
pete32 adn
pete32 adn 3 сарын өмнө
If you know he's going to beat you at the meeting place after school, you might as well make the first move and slam him like Roman Reign does. Sits on him and starts punching until he cries out and says sorry. Believe me! He will avoid seeing you at all cost at school, and you thought he had dropped out. Happened at grade 5 and you brought back the memory.
William J. Dove, Jr.
William J. Dove, Jr. 3 сарын өмнө
If someone my cousin didn't like touched him..he told them not to do so..if it happened again, he usually would lock their arm or finger jab their eye, or punch them.. depended on the person. Needless to say, he got detention or shamed..but no one bothered him more than once. Looking back, I wished someone taught him this...maybe things would have been different for him.
Robotogram 4 сарын өмнө
To say, I am telling you how to be, is so manipulative. Worthy of a true bully wannabe. The truth is there is always someone in the school that is stronger or faster than the bully. But not the bully. It may seem awkward at first but tell that person your problem and ask for help. Chances are they will and maybe you will find a good friend in the process. I’ve actually seen this done, A boy found two girls willing to help. Together they could decimate and humiliate the bully into submission. Believe me this was really fun to watch. Remember when you try to hide, the game begins.
Pat S
Pat S 4 сарын өмнө
Don't react. A bully, by definition, is looking for some sort of fear reaction. Personally, I always found bullies rather funny, like they'd sock me in the face and I'd just smile. Wish I'd met one of these guys later, when I'd put on a bit of weight, not to be unfortunately.
Dude! If you guys are for real, you do something about these lockdowns with which the politicians and their owners bully the general population! LOL
Hingle Mcringleberry
Hingle Mcringleberry 4 сарын өмнө
Beat the bully up till he’s balled up problem solved
Lexie Crewther
Lexie Crewther 4 сарын өмнө
Here's a good comeback for an insult: "are you trying to make me feel like a *unt Dave?"
newbimagaming 4 сарын өмнө
Knife or fork
Eric Colonna
Eric Colonna 4 сарын өмнө
website still says "joining 2 mil subscribers on youtube" in getting started section
Jaime Borda
Jaime Borda 4 сарын өмнө
uncomfortable video honestly.
Borderline Psyco
Borderline Psyco 4 сарын өмнө
Being ignored is a bullies worst nightmare. If you show it doesn't affect you then they lose all power over the situation.
Fred Flintstone
Fred Flintstone Сарын өмнө
Ill qualify that and say being ignored is a narcissists worst nightmare. Have plenty in Government where your GS level is your status. LOL
matt blanke
matt blanke 4 сарын өмнө
500$ for the emotional mastery lessons? Jesus dude. You want us to be happy or you want us to be broke?
Daniela Santos
Daniela Santos 4 сарын өмнө
Or, just say, the last time i Saw kindergarden was acepting Kids. You might want to grow up a bit.
Lili J
Lili J 4 сарын өмнө
When you say "don't ever call me that again" to someone and they do call you that again, then what?
Russ Canduit
Russ Canduit 4 сарын өмнө
Sometimes all you need is violence.
PowerDuDe_DK 4 сарын өмнө
The tips in this video was VERY defuse to me. I didn't get much from this. Maybe I should rewatch it, but it wasn't as clear cut as your usual videoes with bulletpoints.
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