Attachment Theory - How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Style

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Charisma on Command

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We all handle relationships in different ways. One powerful way to understand these differences is through the lens of Attachment Theory. According to psychologists, there are four main “attachment styles” which have a profound effect on our relationships.
In this video, we’ll break down these different styles using some iconic characters, and show how you can use this knowledge to improve your relationships with everyone around you.

0:20 - Style #1: Avoidant
3:01 - Style #2: Anxious
6:03 - Style #3: Fearful
9:27 - Style #4: Secure
#SelfDevelopment #CharismaOnCommand #AttachmentTheory
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Livid -TSK
Livid -TSK Цагийн өмнө
Seems like I have all 4 - I have my work cut out 😀😅
Lena None of your business
Lena None of your business 10 цагийн өмнө
I feel like a combination of 1 and 4
Netrunner 12 цагийн өмнө
Im in a secure state damn
Kevin 45
Kevin 45 12 цагийн өмнө
Im the secure type
Kian Tinsman
Kian Tinsman 13 цагийн өмнө
I was going to comment who also is a combination of one and two... then I saw number three... ope XD
Mr. Beat_down
Mr. Beat_down 13 цагийн өмнө
So I'm a fearful
Lilly Sattler
Lilly Sattler 15 цагийн өмнө
I’m writing a story and I just realized that an anxious type is is in love with an avoidant wow that’s not going to good
Sigmar Heldenhammer
Sigmar Heldenhammer 16 цагийн өмнө
My childhood: *raised by a half sister and a pack of dogs while being neglect by our parents* Also me: “what is love?”
DRΞλMΞR 16 цагийн өмнө
I'm Secure👍
sharp wolf138
sharp wolf138 18 цагийн өмнө
okay so i forgot about that scene from iron man 3, so it was a humourous suprise
The Red Bread
The Red Bread 18 цагийн өмнө
I got an attachment theory ad on this
Christopher Ellis
Christopher Ellis Өдрийн өмнө
I think that I have learned to be secure, despite having been married to a lunatic
Harry Sandhu
Harry Sandhu 15 цагийн өмнө
Your beard is awesome my guy👍
Elvis Sanchez
Elvis Sanchez Өдрийн өмнө
I like hughing my hommies
Michael Shannon
Michael Shannon Өдрийн өмнө
Fearful: Because we know too much about ourselves and thereby others. We see that relationships are just impressions, smoke in mirrors, flights of fancy, a tug of war, 2 ppl blindfolding one another, a charade we only find out about at the end. We are afraid cuz we know that what we gain is just monopoly money but when we lose is it feels like actual currency. Anyone who has the courage to really stop and look will see the disaster that we are playing out in relationships and the only reward is the truth, hard ground, something tangible.
Emm Rouse
Emm Rouse Өдрийн өмнө
Mostly 4, but a bit of 2 as well.
Templaric Legion
Templaric Legion Өдрийн өмнө
I used to be the anxious type, it's not totally gone, but I had a lot of guidance from people I trusted and I attached myself to quotes and ideas that really helped me to see things differently.
Mr. Linguini
Mr. Linguini Өдрийн өмнө
Fearful type *is rare* Attention addicts: _i am the unique_
Adelin Popa
Adelin Popa Өдрийн өмнө
I am somewhat of a combination of avoidant and fearful.Yey for me!
Max4Million Өдрийн өмнө
I think I’m avoidant and secure
BOBthe1988 Өдрийн өмнө
i might be an avoidant type :( owell
Coby Konneor
Coby Konneor Өдрийн өмнө
When you have Aspergers... So you're reclusive, but you don't fit any of the stereotypes as to why. I've stifled quite a few counselors, therapists, etc. Some people just enjoy their own company and prefer being out in nature, or enjoying a good book, over noise and chaos that comes with other people. I just like quiet, peaceful things... and trains. Trains are cool.
Damien K
Damien K Өдрийн өмнө
Can't relate to any of these
Timothy Harrison
Timothy Harrison Өдрийн өмнө
This is a good video but I think acting is different than reality.
Mark Event
Mark Event Өдрийн өмнө
Anxious and fearful
Larry Lawton Laughing
Larry Lawton Laughing Өдрийн өмнө
I never said the words "I love you" to anyone and I'm not comfortable with hugging, flirting and displays of emotion. I don't like gift receiving or giving and I haven't celebrated a birthday since my mom stopped throwing me kiddy parties. In short: I am so much of an avoidance type, that it scares me how much this video got me pegged and I often feel attacked when people make fun of virgins or incels. I'm not an incel. I am celibate, because even a prostitute would be too much intimacy and I'm emotionally incapable of changing this. The thing is: It's not a problem. It's a feature and I'm loving it. Living alone and untethered is great and I get to keep looking down on the men around me, who adjust their personalities to attract females.
Men In Gaming
Men In Gaming Өдрийн өмнө
I am a Tony Stark..or am I ? :)
Mix Troll
Mix Troll Өдрийн өмнө
What's the movie at 4:47?
John Bender
John Bender Өдрийн өмнө
The Notebook
Carlos Hortuvia
Carlos Hortuvia 2 өдрийн өмнө
Hollywood’s wrecked people’s lives beyond a chance of repair.
Zeltic4G 2 өдрийн өмнө
Im avoidant
Daarkk -
Daarkk - 2 өдрийн өмнө
Is it possible to be both avoidant and anxious
Phoebe 7513
Phoebe 7513 2 өдрийн өмнө
I have borderline personality disorder and am a fearful attachment type, eat that
void walker117
void walker117 2 өдрийн өмнө
Yea if u leave me imma kms but I ain't gon tell u that, It's gon be a 🎊🎉S U R P R I S E 🎉🎊
Mark Mullen
Mark Mullen 2 өдрийн өмнө
Could these states (for some) be part of a progression? Maybe if you start at 1 and do the work required, you end up at 4 (secure). That’s even my experience, at least.
OnlyTwoShoes 2 өдрийн өмнө
Are you trying to say Lucas intentionally made the romance with Anakin and Padme cringy?
Potato Girl
Potato Girl 2 өдрийн өмнө
This was THE MOST helpful video I've ever watched about attachment styles because it doesn't just address the issue you also propose solutions. And give examples of what each type of relationship looks like. Thank you!
Hayden Siegel
Hayden Siegel 2 өдрийн өмнө
I met this girl we agreed I was a number 4 (Secure) and she was a number 3 (Fearful). I should have taken that as a major red flag and left immediately but I played it out. Man, let me tell you that was a disaster. She started getting super nervous and angry with me because she would text me all the damn time. Like from wake up to bed all day every day. I was cool with it though because I liked her. Then I share something that makes me nervous with her. I had a bad experience with bigotry recently and I had been avoiding talking about it because it is an uncomfortable conversation. Sure enough as soon as I did this girl basically gets nervous and was super non-supportive about it. Then she got angry with me because my experience made her uncomfortable. She blamed me for being Jewish and dumps me right before our next date. Telling me that she knew right away this would never work out and how it is my fault that she is uncomfortable. Blah blah blah! Text after text and I was eventually like "Just go. You've already done enough damage." I have had some really bad dates in my life, but like this took the cake. Regardless I still feel positive. There are other women out there and it taught me to stay away from the fearful type. They'll just drag you down with their own fears which they'll project onto you. However I won't lie it did take a second to dust myself off here and move on. Hard hearted lesson learned.
Jason tater
Jason tater 2 өдрийн өмнө
I often times find that more often than not men make up majority of the avoidant category and women make up majority of the anxious type.
upal mukherjee
upal mukherjee 2 өдрийн өмнө
Am I the only Secure one here? Or am I too Anxious that I'll become Fearful so I chose to Avoid the rest?
Jechew 3 өдрийн өмнө
Idk what I am, sometimes I do one sometimes I do another Edit: I said that when I listened to the first two, I think I might be fearful, still not sure though.
Mat 123
Mat 123 3 өдрийн өмнө
i consider myself anxious and yea i always felt i would be like anakin skywalker
FrankLogicTV 3 өдрийн өмнө
Im certainly a Secure one. i adapt without any form of resentment, I just make the best of it and keep going. No complaints unless i am asked, and even then I feel no need to express what is out of my control. Again Just adapt and grow.
Tyson Q
Tyson Q 3 өдрийн өмнө
Reasons to be jealous of Captain America: [ ] Good looks [ ] Manly physique [ ] Super strength [X] Healthy childhood
Noah Batterton
Noah Batterton 3 өдрийн өмнө
Is it possible to be like all of these at the same time?
Sourcegamer101 3 өдрийн өмнө
Why do i feel like my childhood was robbed from me
killac45 3 өдрийн өмнө
super interesting
Eric Wiiliams
Eric Wiiliams 3 өдрийн өмнө
I think I'm a mix between avoidant and secure.
Post Prophet
Post Prophet 3 өдрийн өмнө
Robert Downey- greatest actor ever no question
Der Boi
Der Boi 3 өдрийн өмнө
Yaaay, I am special, I’m the relationship type that only two percent of the population has. Hippity hoppity anxiety is my property
Caliburn Combat
Caliburn Combat 4 өдрийн өмнө
Probably a mix of Anxious and fearful tbh
Phil 4 өдрийн өмнө
I'm definitely a mix of 1 and 2. I have a very hard time forming relationships. The not looking at people in the eyes hits the bullseye for me. But when I do form a relationship I'm constantly worried that I'm doing something wrong and they'll want to leave. It's a lonely life.
Michael-Angelo the 69th
Michael-Angelo the 69th 4 өдрийн өмнө
Ah being called out with the avoidant.., that’s a feels bad man and well played moment right there.
SlyShyGuy 4 өдрийн өмнө
So the anxious type can be replaced with the simp type
dustiest spade
dustiest spade 4 өдрийн өмнө
Well I just found out I was an avoidant but shifted to anxious. Also I don't like using others or manipulating
dustiest spade
dustiest spade 4 өдрийн өмнө
After watching it I think I'm fearful to lose others but I moved onto secure but after a bad relationship I became fearful of those I date. I got three responses to why we broke up and each one was different and other people have me different responses
Kat Redfield
Kat Redfield 4 өдрийн өмнө
Steve Rogers is the best lol he's my favorite Avenger!
African Doll
African Doll 4 өдрийн өмнө
So I did this test (on the internet) about this topic and apparently I am fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant, secure and anxious preoccupied. Damn.
African Doll
African Doll 4 өдрийн өмнө
That’s the test
Mohammed Salah
Mohammed Salah 4 өдрийн өмнө
Ok a little help because i seem to have all of these bad unhealthy traits. I had a very very horrifying past but i can't share here. I just don't know what to do. These traits don't seem to go. I need help, can you do video on how to overcome these type of bad personalities.
Keyboard Warrior
Keyboard Warrior 4 өдрийн өмнө
I'm anxious type and always afraid that the relationship is damaging them. I let people push me to ridiculous lengths because I owe them, and won't communicate my needs cause I'm terrified of putting pressure on my partner. The break point was laying with my ex by the pool when he said he wanted to mary me, it took everything not to push him off and run. It was like "yeah of course you love me, I make you dinner, do your homework, I took care of you every day and caught your cold, you didn't even call for 2 months after I was in a major accident. " And realizing that would be the rest of my life would be like that. Not mention the crying and somehow wedging all 360 lbs of man-child under my bed whenever I tried to bring up an issue.
ladybird808s 4 өдрийн өмнө
I’m definitely the avoidant type
Ashish Biswas
Ashish Biswas 4 өдрийн өмнө
Damn I am a mix of everything. Fck...
Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz
Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz 4 өдрийн өмнө
You mean: - Dandere - Hinedere - Yandere - Anedere ?
Curt Soul
Curt Soul 4 өдрийн өмнө
This is a great video!
Sudarshan 4 өдрийн өмнө
How to know which personality I am if I have never been in a relationship
Overxpossed 4 өдрийн өмнө
I'm the four ones at once, but due to my above average IQ. What can I do if average IQ in my country is below 80, even in the places where is supposed to be higher. Lol, none of the casues match what happens in my life. I had a joyfull childhood.
Boost_TT 4 өдрийн өмнө
Will is fearful-avoidant like me lol- in attachment theory you are two types
Chris Hallerty
Chris Hallerty 5 өдрийн өмнө
Vyze in Disguise
Vyze in Disguise 5 өдрийн өмнө
wooohooo guess whos part of those 2%
Negans 5 өдрийн өмнө
Fuk as always INTJ and fearful, where its this villains guild?
Sexy Hedgehog
Sexy Hedgehog 5 өдрийн өмнө
Ha, ha ha... Oh no
Nora Storm
Nora Storm 5 өдрийн өмнө
I feel like I'm not good enough for love. I don't think anyone could truly love me and accept me
ぴゃ人何 5 өдрийн өмнө
Am i 4 and 3
Toastvader Senpai Ovo
Toastvader Senpai Ovo 5 өдрийн өмнө
I am fearful just a little bit tho UwU
Johnny Sage
Johnny Sage 5 өдрийн өмнө
Avoidant gang is strong I see.. woohoo.. just out of curiosity which country are you from, my fellow avoidant bro.. I'm from Bob's and Vegana land
L Faker son
L Faker son 6 өдрийн өмнө
Robert downy junior is such a good actor
Varun Krishna
Varun Krishna 6 өдрийн өмнө
Mix between cap and stark, that feels like me.
Jessica Bir
Jessica Bir 4 өдрийн өмнө
Freaky Frank
Freaky Frank 6 өдрийн өмнө
Aaand I've never quite felt more like I'll never find love then right now
Zackery Mendoza
Zackery Mendoza 6 өдрийн өмнө
To many self diagnosing andys in comments
TheSlashPotato 6 өдрийн өмнө
So uh... is there a 5th type cos I'm having a hard time finding myself in these.
Nat Sharpe
Nat Sharpe 6 өдрийн өмнө
Makes sense...
Simon Hansen
Simon Hansen 6 өдрийн өмнө
I don't recall ever being afraid of loss, because I feel like I can get by on my own if we're exclusively talking romantic relationships. Platonic is slightly different for me but I still don't feel like I need (much) human contact at a regular basis. At least not consciously. Very interesting video. I've discovered there is so much more to how we behave than we care to admit and others care to investigate, but it's nice to have it put distinctly.
badcompany35 6 өдрийн өмнө
Damn I think I’m a fearful type, thank god I don’t take things out on other people, only myself 😪
demon_hawkeye '
demon_hawkeye ' 6 өдрийн өмнө
And then you have me who has never even been in a relationship....yay for me
7_dor 6 өдрийн өмнө
I'm always expecting the worse..
intrusted 6 өдрийн өмнө
ADITYA SAWALE 6 өдрийн өмнө
One more video telling me I am going to die alone
alexander Gei boy
alexander Gei boy 6 өдрийн өмнө
I actually learned something about myself.
BigBoy8790 7 өдрийн өмнө
duuude... wtf i might be the secure type??? i didnt realize i might be mentally ok
Perfect Whine
Perfect Whine 7 өдрийн өмнө
Well I fall under 1, 2 and 3. Everything except for 4
Tommy Vercetti
Tommy Vercetti 7 өдрийн өмнө
If I had to rank which type I identify the most with: 1-Secure 50% 2-Anxious 35% 3-Avoidant 15% 4-Fearful 0%
Beaches InCali
Beaches InCali 7 өдрийн өмнө
I know I'm fearful but I think im making steps to be secure
Samir Boubchir
Samir Boubchir 7 өдрийн өмнө
The promotion of the beta mindset is in every Hollywood movie.
Lennert Temmerman
Lennert Temmerman 7 өдрийн өмнө
I just leard im an aviodent
Hans Martin
Hans Martin 7 өдрийн өмнө
0:02 , no not all.
Jacockis Titsworth
Jacockis Titsworth 8 өдрийн өмнө
I’m a little bit of all I think.
EX0stasis 8 өдрийн өмнө
I think I started as an anxious type and then switched to an avoidant type. I count myself as lucky that my engagement with my fiance was called off. I spent so much time in that relationship. I spent so much money, and I have nothing to show for it and barely any intimate memories, as we were, at the time both religious about saving ourselves for marriage. Now I feel like I'm the opposite of everything I was at that time, and I avoid relationships until I feel like I make myself dateable again for a girl who's a 9 or a 10 because I'm too afraid to break someone else's heart as my begin to realize that my sexual market value rises and theirs falls.
TheOneG36 జ్ఞ‌ా
TheOneG36 జ్ఞ‌ా 8 өдрийн өмнө
childhood = that it stays that way for a livetime, whicht is very incorrect i was type 2 and 3 till 25, since then iam 1 and 4.........
princessnahema 8 өдрийн өмнө
it's not your i get that Family Guy joke
theunraveler 8 өдрийн өмнө
If Anakin had Charisma on Command on his Holonet, he might not have joined the Sith...
Nobody Cares
Nobody Cares 8 өдрийн өмнө
Damn.. I am the most avoidant person in the world.. how do I fix this. Edit: I just saw that part of the video and.. not helpful, I cringe with every part of my body when I say stuff like this.
Calvo Tama
Calvo Tama 8 өдрийн өмнө
Fearful here. Celibacy was the only solution I found :/
GreenRay 8 өдрийн өмнө
what if i feel like i don't belong in any of those categories? not even a little bit?
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