7 Things I Wish I Knew About Dating In My 20s

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Charisma on Command

Жилийн өмнө

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There’s no rule book for how to have an incredible relationship. And that means that a lot of us (myself included) make tons of mistakes.
I’m turning 32 on October 5th. And as I look back on the last decade or so, I realize that I’ve done some things wrong. Which is why in this video I want to share with you 7 things I wish I knew in my 20s.

⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:31 - #1: People change because of internal motivation.
2:01 - #2: Chemistry is a phase.
2:24 - #3: People who are fundamentally friends have the strongest relationships.
3:49 - #4: Duration is a bad measure of quality.
4:47 - #5: Conversation shouldn't have to change when he/she enters the room.
6:01 - #6: Never give up your friendships because of a relationship.
7:24 - #7: You need to show your work emotionally.
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#Dating #CharismaOnCommand
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Сэтгэгдлүүд
MEVO Drawings
MEVO Drawings 12 цагийн өмнө
When you have a crush on your best friend...👀👄👀
Gin6
Gin6 Өдрийн өмнө
Good job on Charity Water, Charisma! Could you expand to include reservations in the USA or reserves in Canada? Our problem is that we are 'out of sight, out of mind' with our fellow Canadians and Americans. 20% of Indigenous Canadians can't get a clean glass of water, and on some reserves in Canada, the water is So Contaminated, people Cannot Even Bathe! Canada and the USA are First World countries, so we can't get charities to help us get clean water as, obviously, our respective countries could Afford to solve the problem themselves, if they were so motivated. The Canadian and American governments are Not motivated as there aren't enough of us to make a strong enough voting block! Canada and the USA are big, beautiful countries, but we have shoved the original people onto tiny, unsustainable plots of land that are either swampy or rocky ground that are useless to the settlers that put us here. In many places in Canada, our water was simply redirected from our reserves to the nearest city, such as Winnipeg, Manitoba. Canada has half the freshwater in the entire world, yet we can't get clean drinking water! When Canada directs money to our bands(tribes), they waste so much of it on their own burocracy, that only 42 cents on the dollar even makes it down the line to us, and then we are legally Forced to take the Lowest Bidder on every project, or forfeit the money back to the government. We Must take the lowest bidder, Even if the company has Cheated us in the Past!!! This is how we end up 'spending money' on projects for our people that are simply Set up to Fail! We need help. We have many generations of people who grew up with no drinking water, and no hope that this will ever change.
Jonni Kuparinen
Jonni Kuparinen 10 өдрийн өмнө
I never understood people who end friendships over relationships, I get that you want to spend more time with your other half, especially during the honeymoon phase, but I always make time for friends, no matter how busy I am 🤔
Devon Rutherford
Devon Rutherford 13 өдрийн өмнө
"You can stick wings on a caterpillar, it will never learn to fly" is probably the best advice i've heard and i wanted to share it. We can't change people no matter what. Change comes from within. Just like a caterpillar changing to a butterfly. It's a whole process.
Marriage Coach Lynn
Marriage Coach Lynn 19 өдрийн өмнө
Interesting to see one person's thought process to dating in the early years. I like how he matured from his earlier years. Great videos on this channel.
Tushar Roy
Tushar Roy 22 өдрийн өмнө
1. People only change due to intrinsic motivation - don't expect to be able to change your partner, accept their interests/habits/values 2. Chemistry is a phase - it cannot last forever 3. The best relationships are fundamentally friendships - see if your friends would be friends with your girlfriend 4. Duration is not a good indicator of relationship quality - bad relationships can last, don't aim for length - aim for making each other happy 5. How honest can you be with your partner? If you are saying things to your friends that you wouldn't say to her, this is a problem 6. Never give up friendships/hobbies for a relationship - careers and family are important but friends and hobbies are key to a happy life 7. Communication - explain why you feel certain things about the relationship, share the process behind your emotions
paraskevi papadimitriou
paraskevi papadimitriou 25 өдрийн өмнө
"I'm turning 32" WHAT?! I thought you were 24 or something
Stretch Opotomus
Stretch Opotomus 26 өдрийн өмнө
Everybody talks about hormones in conjunction with puberty and teen years, but the truth is that in your twenties, hormones are still very much a thing, even though they're no longer a new thing and they become much more predictable once puberty is over. At least that's what I find, being now in my early twenties.
Cayla DeLorenzo
Cayla DeLorenzo 26 өдрийн өмнө
What I want you to share is where the fountain of youth is 😂 clearly you’ve been dipping
karolina wyrzykowska
karolina wyrzykowska 27 өдрийн өмнө
Wow. Comment number 7 was amazing. Something similar happened to me and now I can see how the other person' s explanation of how they made the decision the did could have saved me a lot of pain and emotional distress. Thank you❤
dahuterschuter
dahuterschuter 28 өдрийн өмнө
You're 32? I thought you were 56.
Dennis P. Alexandratos
Dennis P. Alexandratos Сарын өмнө
Thank you for being here in my early 20s giving your knowledge and wisdom open handedly!
Jihad Toom
Jihad Toom Сарын өмнө
Dude is 32 and looking younger than me (26)... send me your skincare routine lol
Olusanya foluso
Olusanya foluso Сарын өмнө
Learnt a lot. Thank you very much
Jsfish101
Jsfish101 Сарын өмнө
that last one is huge thanks for this video it helped me a LOT
Reima Lahdenpää
Reima Lahdenpää Сарын өмнө
Tip 7 was good!
my first crappy video Billy
my first crappy video Billy Сарын өмнө
It's good to be friends and have respect and trust for each other
Diego Rodriguez
Diego Rodriguez 2 сарын өмнө
Jeff nippard is that you
Careless Dreamer
Careless Dreamer 2 сарын өмнө
alot fo good points in this, I'll be sure to try utilizing it as soon as i get a girlfriend, wish me luck
Victoria Willingham
Victoria Willingham 2 сарын өмнө
Wow, the "show your emotional work" step honestly I think could solve so many of those classic "men vs women" misunderstandings that we joke about 😅 Great advice!
R_B
R_B 2 сарын өмнө
his #7 is absolutely true. We, human beings, often assume we know what the other person REALLY meant by their comment - all exacerbated by the differences between men and women. Jeff Foxworthy made a career of pointing that out. She said, "Do you want to go shopping with me?" He heard, "can I pull out your fingernails with pliers?" So of course he said "Oh hell no!"
A Dub
A Dub 3 сарын өмнө
22 and never been in a real relationship
Shorty Careface
Shorty Careface 3 сарын өмнө
Just dealt with a quite painful breakup. We were (and are) good friends, we were honest with each other, etc. But we had fundamentally different visions of how we wanted our life to turn out. She wanted kids, I did not, etc. Ultimately you cannot outrun such fundamental things, in my experience.
John Smith
John Smith 3 сарын өмнө
Excellent tip about showing your work!
Silvaster
Silvaster 4 сарын өмнө
I'm 25 and I look like I could be your father, you lucky, young genes bastard lol
Daniel Romero
Daniel Romero 4 сарын өмнө
Dude idk how your videos initially popped up in my suggestions but im glad they did. I'm totally addicted to listening to everything up put up. Definitely subscribing. Keep up the great content. 👍
Seph Salvador
Seph Salvador 4 сарын өмнө
Being infatuated =/= to being in love
palmagius
palmagius 4 сарын өмнө
to your friend (and everyone who reads this) who told his GF he'd only marry her if she stops smoking. never give your significant other an ultimatum where its either the relationship or that person or thing in question (in this case smoking) to me, the relationship is dead as soon as this demand is made. you show the other person that you are willing to end everything unless the other person changes his/herself to the desires of the other in a forceful manner. how about a compromise instead? keep smoking if you want, know that i don't like it and only do it outside the house
Brenden Wagensveld
Brenden Wagensveld 4 сарын өмнө
October 5th babies are elite!
Feta Cheezz
Feta Cheezz 4 сарын өмнө
3:05 but what if you have no friends to begin with?
Miss Engineer
Miss Engineer 4 сарын өмнө
What happened off camera at 7:43 😂
Xilencer
Xilencer 4 сарын өмнө
So anyone knows what's the magic F word?
Jordan Nicolas
Jordan Nicolas 4 сарын өмнө
Bro he don't even look 32
DanielisAwesome52
DanielisAwesome52 4 сарын өмнө
For number 5, does that count the opposite way. So for example I have a friend, I talk about her a lot with my mom, who also talks to her (separately from me). But an issue we all ran into is I would tell my mom something and Mom would mention it in passing or a direct question to my friend. I would do the same, Mom would mention something to me and I'd bring it up or unfortunately get mad my friend didn't tell me. This typically ends with my friend getting frustrated she can't just tell people things. I don't keep any secrets, but at the moment it feels like anytime my friend confides in me , I can't talk to the one person I run to for advice. Like I would never withhold criticisms or anything I'd say about her from her (I haven't, in fact I've been too direct about that), but it feels like information she gives me has to be secret and I can't be open about the things she tells me. I don't really have a question about it, I just am not fully grasping the concept in the direction of someone else to me, because I'm honest but it feels like that honesty loses me trust?
Mr. No Probz
Mr. No Probz 5 сарын өмнө
#2 is what Jonathan Haidt would call "passionate love" versus "companionate love;" basically the former is as a strong quickly growing fire that once it burns out it never returns, and the latter are like vines that intertwine and connect over a period of time. (Check out his book, the Happiness Hypothesis for more info.) I learned that a few months ago, as he said in this video if you don't have companionate love (like a friendship undertone), your relatioship cannot survive.
Antilulz
Antilulz 5 сарын өмнө
if you really want to better the world stop sending water to places where people shouldnt be living. The world is overpopulated and we shouldnt fight nature with technology. we'll end up burning up and out all living things if we continue with this cheap slacktivism. Instead lets donate to the environment which will not only benefit a select few but all of us future present past, not to mention all other animals needed for a healthy balance in ecoyststems, plants, funghi ... pretty much everything.
DESTRAKON
DESTRAKON 5 сарын өмнө
Thanks for the tips bro
ElegronTV
ElegronTV 5 сарын өмнө
Bruh your 32?
Jay Tat
Jay Tat 5 сарын өмнө
A golden tip that I learned the hard way: Don't be needy, no one likes people that are needy
Che Anarchist
Che Anarchist 5 сарын өмнө
I’m 35
Yo, KIWEYY!!!
Yo, KIWEYY!!! 5 сарын өмнө
about number 6...i always was on the opposit side. my friends always disappeared after finding a girlfriend, until they broke up. then my friends would come back like nothing happened. something that always pissed me off. i wish they knew about this
Esethu Tsoanyane
Esethu Tsoanyane 5 сарын өмнө
6:39 - The realist thing I heard in this video, "I think that we IDEALISE 'Co-Dependents' in our movies and songs today". Too true! (And all this from a guy whose 32 but looks like he's my age - 21. 😂)
A C
A C 6 сарын өмнө
about the culturl shock you mentioned I felt it in my bones as an Italian in Australia. Apart from the cuisine... oh god I saw horrors, the experience confirmed my opinion on english speaking countries educations (not so good) and I was puzzled by the fact that english speakers do not use hands in communication, like never! WEe italians are famous for our hand gestures and in facts not moving your hands while chatting/talking/etc is very weird. So everyone was weird until they had to present sth (like in a video or in class): suddently they were moving hands with little to no sense in relation to what they were saying ending up looking goofy to me. Why take up all that space?? that's loud! Taking too much space while gesturing gets you looking like a seller, an upset predicator or someone that has no idea of what is saying but he's desperately trying to prove their point
Loto Vázquez
Loto Vázquez 6 сарын өмнө
Bro! Your content!!! Super wise and down to earth and applicable!!... And then... Your donation... Super fan of you! I honestly hope we can collaborate in the close enough future. Best to you!
Ral Onyeka
Ral Onyeka 6 сарын өмнө
I’ll
Brian Hilst
Brian Hilst 6 сарын өмнө
Ah we got a Libra Man talking.. I do like listening to your video's
Darius Maurice
Darius Maurice 7 сарын өмнө
Oh hey happy belated birthday! 2 days late D:
Mariko the Cheetah
Mariko the Cheetah 7 сарын өмнө
Love based on friendship - YES!
Arfiana
Arfiana 7 сарын өмнө
10 seconds in.. -what? You look 20. Anyway, happy birthday! Hope you’re safe and healthy.
Марина Вострякова
Марина Вострякова 7 сарын өмнө
Спасибо за твой канал на русском языке! Ты помогаешь людям! 🇷🇺❤️
UltimateEmpress
UltimateEmpress 7 сарын өмнө
His mouth is so huge it looks like he’s been annoying oranged.
Fatm
Fatm 7 сарын өмнө
Thanks alot man I'm turning 20 in 6 months and I just realized that I want to achieve as many accomplishments as I can in these few months💙
Zed GP
Zed GP 7 сарын өмнө
I'm gonna be 25 in less than a month. Never had a girlfriend. At this point I'm just being bored and am watching all the videos YT recommends
Craig
Craig 7 сарын өмнө
“Stay in the same city as them to maintain friendships” *moves to Brazil*
King west
King west 8 сарын өмнө
I just want to date you./..
Kiri Seraph
Kiri Seraph 8 сарын өмнө
You look very young :D
Kah Yau Lim
Kah Yau Lim 8 сарын өмнө
Singles often give the best relationship advices :')
David Ee
David Ee 9 сарын өмнө
5:29 We have no idea how many relationships there are that ARE maintaining with a secret, because they're still secret. But I do agree, you should tell them, simply because it's ethical and the Cheatee deserves better.
Dexhead
Dexhead 9 сарын өмнө
Don't give up relationships for friendships either. Mind you, I'm not talking about just starting a relationship and deciding not to take it further because your friends don't approve. That's different. I'm talking about leaving a spouse of several years because friends told you to. Soulmates trump best friends everytime or it isn't real love to begin with.
Serpiente anónima
Serpiente anónima 9 сарын өмнө
If you were 26 and never dated a girl yet, how would you feel? Would you be worry?
Chris S
Chris S 10 сарын өмнө
I thought you were in your 20s 😅
Shubham Patil
Shubham Patil 10 сарын өмнө
when you said "If you cut your friends out , you will suffer" Everyone felt that
Kacamata Sendiri
Kacamata Sendiri 10 сарын өмнө
I see.. the main reason my relationship always broke wae number 7 😣
YENVI
YENVI 10 сарын өмнө
nope stop lying ur definitely 22
Max
Max 10 сарын өмнө
That feeling when you want to put a like, but you already did it. Twice
Roshni. S
Roshni. S 10 сарын өмнө
To be honest I feel like the last point also applies to literally EVERY romance movie I have ever seen😂 In every one of those movies there is a misunderstanding because they don't explain themselves (unless it involves infidelity) Also AMAZING video!!!! All these pains just make SO MUCH SENSE!! And to think we all make such silly mistakes😂
leizl Robinson
leizl Robinson 10 сарын өмнө
I wish i know it when i was young😭
J Jameson
J Jameson 10 сарын өмнө
never dated in my 20s, just prostitutes, maybe this will come in handy for my 30s
Joseph Kusmer
Joseph Kusmer 10 сарын өмнө
Geez this dude has aged so well, I would’ve believed he was still 25 if you told me with a straight face.
Wind Ward
Wind Ward 10 сарын өмнө
Honest and interesting video. To me without a deep Emotional Connection between the man and the woman, you will not be friends after being intimate. It takes time and togetherness to become friends. It does take time and common experiences to understand a person's true self. #7 is interesting in how it is represented. I think what should be said is that in communication with women you have to understand it is Emotionally (Empathy) based. Look for the underlying emotional message, and if not apparent ask what she is feeling. Work on the meaning together before providing any solution, if you offer any at all. Being present and attuned to her emotions as a way to communication is what is important. Always take time in finding aspects of her state of mind (Emotions), be understand and allow her to arrive at what she is completely trying to say.
FabCode
FabCode 10 сарын өмнө
I have a crush on my classmate I'm nerdy one but kinda cool and she kinda wanna keep our relationship secret that even I shouldn't know she likes me. she is a little taller than me. friends say leave her she's not for u. but I'm stuck, I can't forget her. I want some kinda relationship with her and she have a fake boyfriend too. I know this is crazy but I love her. I don't know what to do?
FabCode
FabCode 10 сарын өмнө
'date by vote' man who do that
Alexander Anisimov
Alexander Anisimov 10 сарын өмнө
Thank you, i can so relate. We probably all had lots of pitfalls in that
Frost D.H
Frost D.H 10 сарын өмнө
soo yr saying 2020 33 looking like this omfg
x z
x z 10 сарын өмнө
don't tell if you cheat. Seriously.
A'sa Dickens
A'sa Dickens 10 сарын өмнө
We have the same birthday \o/
Quinten De Bruin
Quinten De Bruin 10 сарын өмнө
This guy is 32?! Thought this was just a college student.
Micha Sengotta
Micha Sengotta 10 сарын өмнө
I don't think internal motivation is strong enough to change habits most of the time. You need to change the environment of people and literally condition them if you want any sort of change. Also happiness isn't the best measure of the quality of a relationship either, because you should be happy without them as well. This is a technicallity, but I would say a better measure is relationship satisfaction.
Jasha
Jasha 10 сарын өмнө
I'd phrase it "infatuation is a phase" rather than "chemistry is a phase". It's a little clearer imo
Wilber Severns
Wilber Severns 11 сарын өмнө
Does Episoketren System really help to improve your soccer technique? We have read a lot of good stuff about this popular training course.
Andrew Komaniecki
Andrew Komaniecki 11 сарын өмнө
Why does it matter? I'll never be accepted anyway
Mike Gibson
Mike Gibson 11 сарын өмнө
Hi there, have you considered Troplusfix Dating Secrets yet? Simply do a search engine search. On there you'll find an awesome tips about how exactly you can get laid by hot girl. Why not give it a chance? maybe it can work for you too.
The Kickboxing Community
The Kickboxing Community 11 сарын өмнө
Skip to 9:14
SHADOWLIKE
SHADOWLIKE 11 сарын өмнө
9:10 done
James Miller
James Miller 11 сарын өмнө
Do you do Botox?
Ani rudh
Ani rudh 11 сарын өмнө
Dude i'm 21 and i look 32 and you look 21 and u are 32
Jacob Feldman
Jacob Feldman 11 сарын өмнө
Bruh you preach such Commen Sense,Love it!
Pablo Peraza
Pablo Peraza 11 сарын өмнө
32?!? Boy, I thought you were a teenager
Mesha Farahani
Mesha Farahani 11 сарын өмнө
Ugh I'm 24 and single for the last 2 years and I needed this!!!
ZtrueStile
ZtrueStile 11 сарын өмнө
You will suffer.
Tatiana AKA
Tatiana AKA 11 сарын өмнө
I think you are one of those incredible people who truly are here on Earth for a purpose.Whenever I watch your videos you share your life experience with so much honesty, vulnerability and what you teach - charisma😀. Big thanx for doing what you do !
Rachel Well
Rachel Well 11 сарын өмнө
You remind me of Gaz from Geordie Shore 😂😂
Hunter G
Hunter G 11 сарын өмнө
Great advice
Mikaella
Mikaella 11 сарын өмнө
Damn you look good for 32
Michael Lodwich
Michael Lodwich 11 сарын өмнө
Great video. I agree on all of it. Have made many similar observations and had to learn some hard lessons with my ex-husband. But he is history now. I really enjoy how you put it out here so clearly. Thank you for your kindness and best greetings from Germany, Mike.
kenzie chambers
kenzie chambers 11 сарын өмнө
I think duration matters in the case of seeing if your still compatible after infatuation. I agree time isn’t always everything, but I also live in a state where people get married after dating for a month.
The Captain
The Captain 11 сарын өмнө
"dating for 10 years". That's what people call a relationship, lol.
Ted Longe
Ted Longe 11 сарын өмнө
I dont think some one in your situation and experience make you an authority to give advice. It's more opinion than knowledge or advice. This is not ment to be hurtful just a point.
Stoppelstobbe
Stoppelstobbe 11 сарын өмнө
32?!!
Project Better Life
Project Better Life 11 сарын өмнө
Dang! 32!?!? Boy you did not age since 21!
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