8 TERRIBLE Dating Mistakes Movies Push You To Make

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Charisma on Command

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Almost all of our expectations about love and relationships have been set by Hollywood.
The problem is that these movies are putting absurd ideas into your mind about what love really looks like, which can lead to some boneheaded decision making, maybe even ruining what could have been a great relationship.
So in this video we’ll look at 8 ways Hollywood ruins your relationships.

0:32 - #1: Movies train us to substitute emotional intensity for emotional quality.
2:09 - #2: The perfect person will magically take interest because they see the real you deep inside.
3:20 - #3: Love at first sight
4:13 - #4: Love, in Hollywood, is proven by ignoring explicit rejection.
5:43 - #5: Giving large unrequested gifts as a way to make amends.
7:14 - #6: Pursuing someone who is currently in a relationship is romantic and not at all doomed to failure.
8:12 - #7: Suffering, dependence and self sacrifice are all treated as indicators of love.
9:22 - #8: A romantic relationship is the solution to the problem of life.
#CharismaOnCommand #DatingMistakes

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Christina Wilke *Phillips
Christina Wilke *Phillips 4 цагийн өмнө
Me and my husband didn't have a super romantic, high intense beginning, but after 10 years the excitement and spark is there most of the time, I feel like one of the luckiest people on earth, if I could pin point why, id say we are always honest and accountableto each other, , we dont back stab each other to our friends, we are never mean or play mind games or try to control each other.... my parents had this written on their wall growing up and it stuck with me "If you love something set it free, if it returns to you, its yours, if it doesn't, then it never was. ✌
FWDC Norac
FWDC Norac 13 цагийн өмнө
As a personal rule I judge dates based on if they think The Notebook is the best movie ever.
Ben Edapal
Ben Edapal 14 цагийн өмнө
i have an extreme case of i'm not good enough... looks like i'm not going to be in a proper relationship maybe forever... and i think many people have the same problem... i just can't love myself
uriahedwardsmusic Өдрийн өмнө
Man... you’re laying out the Nice Guys playbook
reptilesgamers00 Өдрийн өмнө
Can I have healthy homebody Christian girl to share my life with? That would be great.
Leo's Tales
Leo's Tales 2 өдрийн өмнө
The movie Vertigo is a masterpiece because it inverts all these cliches.
Walter B.
Walter B. 2 өдрийн өмнө
I’ve been quite cynical about romantic love and I honestly don’t mind (or perhaps I feel neutral) about having been single and celibate for 46 out of 48 years of my life. I’ll let everyone else worry about what romantic love should or shouldn’t be.
SOLAIRE 3 өдрийн өмнө
you shouldn't complete each other, but multiply each other.
SOLAIRE 3 өдрийн өмнө
That last bit especially was some really really good advice. thank you, i needed to hear that.
りえ 3 өдрийн өмнө
9:11 what movie?
Kirsten Carter
Kirsten Carter 3 өдрийн өмнө
It's mind-blowing how much brainwashing damage hollywood has done to people
dane brass
dane brass 4 өдрийн өмнө
My girlfriend is crazy we have had a lot of ups and downs but I would never walk away from her and I really really love her so I always say corny stuff to her because it makes her cringe and it’s funny. If you find someone you really want to be with it doesn’t matter what you say to them.. don’t overthink... It either works or it doesn’t.
Eric M
Eric M 4 өдрийн өмнө
I kinda disagree with the knights tale one. The proof wasnt supposed to be the physical pain (its more dramatic because it was) but she wanted him to prove he wanted her as a person not her as a trophey for winning the joust. If i remember correctly, he says he'll win for her (which im sure every cocky knight in the joust had said to her at that point) and she replied that if he wanted her he'd lose for her. I dont think it's so much about proving the sacrifice as it is about proving the authenticity.
Glenn Forsdick
Glenn Forsdick 4 өдрийн өмнө
Sending "large unrequested gits" always works for me !
MSPWrit3r 6 өдрийн өмнө
Honestly, if I see any of these romantic tropes in stories, I stay far away, because to me it's bad writing. If the romance can't flourish and grow organically and in a healthy way, it shouldn't exist in the story.
Barbaros357 6 өдрийн өмнө
Romance books and novels are created for the segment of the population with lower intelligence and emotional maturity.
Venom The Tigerdragon
Venom The Tigerdragon 6 өдрийн өмнө
I had a theory that women just get off on emotional stimulation, regardless of what type of emotion is stimulated.
Teague Jelinek
Teague Jelinek 6 өдрийн өмнө
What's a git?
Chacarron91 7 өдрийн өмнө
We are brainwashed by Hollywood and our Governments. How many movies do you know that are about brainwashing? Pretty much none. The don't want people to realize this.
ManekiNeko1972 11 өдрийн өмнө
Correction please. Juliet was 13, Romeo was between 17 and 25 years of age.
Ryan Deffley
Ryan Deffley 12 өдрийн өмнө
Hollywood romanticizes persistence and the friendzone. So guys are brainwashed into chasing women that reject them and thinking friendship will wear them down. As a man you need to be direct and decisive with women. If you express interest and she won't make plans, she rejects you, or offers friendship, walk away. No woman belongs on a pedestal.
john Gardner
john Gardner 14 өдрийн өмнө
Romeo and juliet is not about 2 13 year olds, juliet is 13, romeo is 16-21 years old
Jake Metzgar
Jake Metzgar 15 өдрийн өмнө
This is why the remake of Beauty and the Beast didn't work. The original Beast was hot-tempered but he still tried to win Belle's affection and she learns that there is more to him. The live-action Beast doesn't even try or maybe he forgot that his servants will all die on account of him.
Khoa Lương
Khoa Lương 17 өдрийн өмнө
Someday i will join c/u , i’m too broke now :))
William Timotius
William Timotius 18 өдрийн өмнө
the seventh point literally Christianity
Emilio Martinez
Emilio Martinez 18 өдрийн өмнө
Ten year relationship of on and off even friendship that became more time after time it failed these things happen never confuse comfort with love some people like the idea but not the reality of a relationship the problems you have to put up with
Addie Harmon
Addie Harmon 18 өдрийн өмнө
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought the notebook was toxic. I honestly hate it
Zezus 21 өдрийн өмнө
I had no idea Romeo and Juliet were actually 13, yikes.
wado1942 22 өдрийн өмнө
Am I the only one that remembers the boombox in "Say Anything" DIDN'T work?
N8rtotPlayz 22 өдрийн өмнө
I'm so glad to finally hear someone say what I've been saying for years. Loving and accepting yourself is the true basis of happiness. The old saying, "treat others how you want to be treated.", is a natural outgrowth of my premise. If you don't love and accept yourself, how could you possibly love and accept others? Moreover, how could you possibly accept the love and acceptance of others, if you don't do that for yourself?
Tushar Roy
Tushar Roy 23 өдрийн өмнө
1. Movies make a good relationship seem like it should have extreme highs and lows to be exciting - the best relationships do not have drama 2. The perfect person will take special interest in you even if there is nothing interesting about you - you can be passive and get what you want - in reality you need to put in effort 3. Love at first sight - this is all about attraction and nothing to do with values, interests, or goals 4. Proving love by refusing rejection - this is stalker behaviour, talk no at its face value 5. Fix a relationship with large, unrequested gifts/acts - fixing a mistake takes introspection and a meaningful apology and may still not work 6. Breaking up a relationship is romantic 7. Suffering and meaningless sacrifice proves love 8. We need romantic love to complete us and our lives - you need to be enough on your own before entering a relationship (self-love is the foundation of a happy life and happy relationship, don't feel lonely when alone)
Ajwad Raza
Ajwad Raza 23 өдрийн өмнө
Good job bud! You make sense
ahmad atieh
ahmad atieh 25 өдрийн өмнө
the worst brainwash series on relationships are two and a half men and how i met your mother. Regardless of content quality and comedy, these two are the absolute worst when it comes to relationships and the reality of things.
Kayla Manahan
Kayla Manahan 26 өдрийн өмнө
Your mistake is thinking that Hollywood is promoting this rather than just telling a story. A story sometimes isn't told to push you to do anything. It is told to mirror life which in and of itself is highly unpredictable. And the only stories worth telling are the ones that are dramatic so they end up being the only ones told. People in general are highly flawed beings so imperfection is common. We do the wrong things. We make the wrong moves. I for one met my husband and was engaged to him two months later. I married him after I hadn't even known him for a year. Roughly five years later we were having problems, as all couples will, and by chance I met someone who was lonely. I cheated and it was the wrong thing to do. My husband took me back. Life is messy. We all make mistakes and we all sadly have to learn from them, sometimes the hard way. A writer, writes to show the depths of humanity and the complexity of characters, the mistakes that they make and why they make them and they do it to mirror humanity itself. Another point to mention is most people don't cheat or break up with a partner for someone else unless they're significant other is somewhat a jerk to begin with. It doesn't make it wright to cheat but rather most movies show why they do it. As someone who has loved to write my stories were never about perfect people because no one is perfect and my stories were told often times to get people to understand and be empathetic, not to okay any bad behavior but to make people understand others better. By understanding we can all learn to forgive better and not judge others.
Stretch Opotomus
Stretch Opotomus 26 өдрийн өмнө
My Big Fat Greek Wedding is the single greatest relationship movie of all time. Change my mind.
The Underdog
The Underdog 27 өдрийн өмнө
The 8 dating mistakes from movies: 1. Substitute emotional intensity for emotional quality. - (No drama does NOT equal No love) 2. The perfect person will magically take interest because they see the "real" you. - (No one will take great interest in you if you are uninteresting, work on yourself so they will notice you.) 3. Love at first sight. - (This is much more about attraction than love, and it is shallow to think this is love) 4. Love is proven by ignoring rejection. - (Take people at their word and don't be a stalker) 5. Give large unrequested gifts as the way to make amends. - (Apologize and grant them their requested space. Grand gestures, but weak day to day relationship?) 6. Pursuing someone currently in a relationships romantic. - (Focusing on someone unavailable reinforces a scarce mindset when it comes to finding love.) 7. Suffering, dependence, and self sacrifice are all indicators of love. - (Acceptance, Joy, and mutual growth are crucial for love. Emphasizing the suffering will only increase it.) 8. A romantic relationship is the de facto solution to the problem of life. - (Learned to not feel lonely when in your own company.)
The Underdog
The Underdog 27 өдрийн өмнө
All this being true, movies show many ways to enliven your romantic life, which may not necessarily be love, but mat be a great joy of life.
hickup_xoxo_ 27 өдрийн өмнө
....Romeo wasn't actually 13
mrkiky 27 өдрийн өмнө
I like how this video validates my dislike for romcoms and confirms what I always thought about women's decision making process when it comes to relationships. They pick the guy who is better at picking them up even though that's gonna account for less than 1% of the relationship.
Montgomery Hill
Montgomery Hill 28 өдрийн өмнө
Learn about attachment systems.....it will blow your mind.
Gazment Haruni
Gazment Haruni 28 өдрийн өмнө
11:05 Fundamental Truth
Baha3 Alshamari
Baha3 Alshamari 29 өдрийн өмнө
Rick : Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
Zeeshan Сарын өмнө
Taking a dig at Hollywood's concept of love I see, check out the concept of love in Bollywood, you'll thank Hollywood.
S. Akhtar Joomun
S. Akhtar Joomun Сарын өмнө
I think realistic movies would be better to watch. I like interesting stories, but based on reality. Don't make a movie about 'love at first sight' and also pretending like looks doesn't matter. That's contradictory.
S. Akhtar Joomun
S. Akhtar Joomun Сарын өмнө
Your channel is awesome!
Static Sound
Static Sound Сарын өмнө
Bro my brain is filled with thrashy ideas ..given my BOLLYWOOD
Windave Сарын өмнө
Basically all these things makes us toxic, very nice video, just be wholesome!
Kristina Dolgan
Kristina Dolgan Сарын өмнө
Is hollywood holy wood, for making what???
twiston43 Сарын өмнө
What you see in the RomComs that women love is in fact the opposite of what women actually want...
mrkiky 27 өдрийн өмнө
If they have an average guy stalking them around like a creep they'd get a restraining order. If Ryan Gosling is stalking them around like a creep it's super romantic and it works out. And if you think that Ryan Gosling in the movie is not actually some famous actor but just a random handsome guy, you'd be wrong. The whole movie is a female fantasy around Ryan Gosling and the drama he creates. When they fantasize about it, they don't see some random handsome dude, they see a famous handsome dude, which makes his psychopathic behavior even more acceptable.
Ancient Light Curative
Ancient Light Curative Сарын өмнө
Brilliant information! Finally the Truth about Love Exposed!
novakast. Сарын өмнө
This was hard to watch for me
Cactuss Сарын өмнө
Can someone tell me what is the name of the movie in 10:40?
James Thornton
James Thornton Сарын өмнө
Two Yes.
Drew Canitz
Drew Canitz Сарын өмнө
So many typos in the on screen text. Do you guys need a proof reader? I can help.
Clash Devil
Clash Devil Сарын өмнө
You feel like holly wood is crazy and untrue oh boy you gotta check out bollywood
Lucas Dias
Lucas Dias Сарын өмнө
It's funny that a romantic movie said "you complete me" as something beautiful but it's the EXACT same line that Joker says to Batman in Dark Knight
davecros Сарын өмнө
They are movies dude. They aren't manuals for love.
J 2 сарын өмнө
You realise how harmful disney and hollywood is for general life and society
Memoirs of a Dude
Memoirs of a Dude 2 сарын өмнө
I purposely do this and act needy if I want the girl to break up with me. Last time I said no to a girl, she was crying her eyes out and it didn't feel nice - I felt super guilty. These tricks work like a charm if you want to get the girl to break up with you.
Cheese Boy
Cheese Boy 2 сарын өмнө
This is a great video, but it'd help if it was organised into chapters with clear titles, or if you summarised the points at the end. I feel like I missed some of it.
Lutheis 2 сарын өмнө
I got to learn all this crap the hard way...but great video.
Indoor Orchids and Tropicals
Indoor Orchids and Tropicals 2 сарын өмнө
Lack of drama is amazing, but when it ends, its like Bella in that brief clip, and it goes on for years. And yes, love is willing to lay down your life like a mom would for her child or how even, sometimes a stranger will run into a burning building. That is the greatest act of love. Its not killing yourself because you were rejected. Thats a different thing, but I can say, in the times I have put myself directly in the path of danger, it was for a relative or friend. I don't know if I have enough love to protect a stranger. I have not yet been tested that way in my life. Also, sometimes persistence pays off, but not if you're being a total creeper about it.
RISING GAMER 2 сарын өмнө
Most movies show that , women is the ultimate goal of a man 😂. Really
Мастер Валенсуэла
Мастер Валенсуэла 2 сарын өмнө
Thanks for reminding us
Juhaan Jung
Juhaan Jung 2 сарын өмнө
I do believe K-drama is also full of fantasies, and it sorta ruined mine
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
How did it ruin you ?
JOBRAIL1 2 сарын өмнө
I married a stalker once. It didn't work out well.
JOBRAIL1 Сарын өмнө
@Michaels Music We had one child and then she decided that she hated me about 4 years later. She has been the bane of my existence ever since. In the 90's when we met there just wasn't that much information out about stalkers. She was cute and persistent....and then she wasn't!
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
I'm a music teacher that likes to watch quantum physics videos to relax Love is confusing
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
OMG !!! What happened ?
Aliko 2 сарын өмнө
a lot of this is just idealists on crack lol
segundajuganda 2 сарын өмнө
Dating mistake? Dating. Mgtow 🤜
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
I'm a music teacher that likes to watch quantum physics videos to relax Love is confusing
Reality Check
Reality Check 2 сарын өмнө
The idea of dating is a terrible mistake and a waste of time.
Red 2 сарын өмнө
I feel like this is directed much more to girls, seeing how they usually run towards toxic men. I'm not trying to hate or complain, I'm literally stating what I've noticed. This is what I thought about infinite times. No drama means no love / passion to them, it's boring, and they just need someone who'll give her those things, even if she'll complain and want " a kind man" she is pretty unhappy if she doesn't have toxicity and drama, despite being completely ignorant of that fact.
faviolab 2 сарын өмнө
I enjoyed the video, great tropes. My favorite part is the last bit though, it was the most millennial synopsis of love I have ever heard.
Nick Brook
Nick Brook 2 сарын өмнө
Nefertari 2 сарын өмнө
God, how I hate Romeo and Juliet - the tackiest love stories of them all. Just like you have said - two teenagers acting irrationally despite knowing each other for merely a couple of days. And all throughout the story, the parents are happily oblivious to what is happening. I can't see the genius of Shakespeare in this pile of a contrived plot.
Shaheryar Shah
Shaheryar Shah 2 сарын өмнө
Loved this video. Another thing these movies forget to mention is what happens when the relationships based only on passion and drama come to an end. What happens when one has never learned to forgive others and forgive oneself. As you said, self-love is so so important. Thanks for putting this out in the world.
MoppyPuppy 2 сарын өмнө
This topic is the best.
Chris ZA
Chris ZA 2 сарын өмнө
I was disgusted with my ex-wife. I couldn't stay with her a second longer after what she said to me. She said "Stop calling every 4am, it's over." Can you believe that?
dumdebadaba 2 сарын өмнө
Ace Se
Ace Se 2 сарын өмнө
One of the movies that really demonstrates all these things is Don Jon. ( the movie explores the problems with typical romance expectations)
Kat Thomas
Kat Thomas 2 сарын өмнө
Correction about romeo and juliet. Juliet is indeed 13, but Romeo is 17
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
I'm a music teacher that likes to watch quantum physics videos to relax Love is confusing
Mr Buster
Mr Buster 2 сарын өмнө
Absolute must watch yt vid. So much truth.
Evgeni Sakhatsky
Evgeni Sakhatsky 2 сарын өмнө
It does work in real life.
Omari 2 сарын өмнө
And here I was made out to be the bad guy because I felt I needed more time with my previous girlfriend to know if I loved her or not. Social media and this “positive vibes” crap is dangerous for putting these hasty thoughts in people’s head.
CLB 2 сарын өмнө
The only way to honestly write a love story is when you’ve experienced it, but are out of it.
KageNoTenshi 2 сарын өмнө
Comon now Aladdin was clearly just wowing for the jewel she was wearing hahaha
George Lionon
George Lionon 2 сарын өмнө
3:27 As we know Aladin is a street thief and he sees her crown here, so he goes wow... Ruined this movie forever now, you cant unsee that ;)
crazymonkeyVII 2 сарын өмнө
THIS!!! Whenever people say that porn is bad because it creates "unrealistic expectations", I always shoot back with "Hollywood movies are even worse!". I have tried for years to learn all this stuff from movies, but it's become clear to me that the examples that they set are very, very detrimental to the long-term happiness and expectations of the viewer. I'm at the point now that if I start watching a show that does this, I have a gag reflex and turn it off in disgust. The problem is larger than Hollywood alone though, since almost any fairy tale is based on the same BS. We're all getting indoctrinated into this view of "romance" starting from the age that we learn what words mean :/
Oliver Ford
Oliver Ford 2 сарын өмнө
And in a relationship, people are encouraged by the last point - Hercules, Ariel, etc giving up their families - to think they should give up friends and outside hobbies because they should "complete" each other. But by doing that and giving up too much of their old life, people eventually lose the personalities that made them attractive to begin with. I made that mistake in my first marriage.
Elise Erickson
Elise Erickson 2 сарын өмнө
About Time is my favorite romcom and it isn't dramatic or creepy at all. All the relationships are quite mundane connections between mundane people. The only twist is that the main character can time travel and re-experience the seemingly mundane moments that make his life and relationships so wonderful. I cry every time.
Ammon Murchison
Ammon Murchison 2 сарын өмнө
Are there any movies that actually portray what love Is really like?
Tristan Phoenix-Walton
Tristan Phoenix-Walton Сарын өмнө
Malcolm and Marie... well the dark, toxic side of it. Not really a true, balanced love. The movie makes relationships completely unappealing to me.
Andres Emilio DiStefano
Andres Emilio DiStefano 2 сарын өмнө
This is a great video, I hope it reaches a lot of young people
Светломир Видулов
Светломир Видулов 2 сарын өмнө
I'm at the point that I love myself so much that I don't want ather person in my life. So I live(and maby I will die alone).
Stephen Crane
Stephen Crane 2 сарын өмнө
Anyone who wants an antidote to the Hollywood Rom-Com should watch the Michael Haneke film Amour. That's what love is supposed to be not Hollywood tripe.
jameverywhere 2 сарын өмнө
I can't really blame Ariel for choosing Eric over her abusive father who *literally smashed all her most prized possessions* when she, a 16-year-old girl, disobeyed him. The real tale as old as time is young girls fleeing abusive dads by desperately clinging to the first romantic interest they can find.
James Lippincott
James Lippincott 2 сарын өмнө
At 3:00 any relationship is about giving the self which is incompatible with this. She loves him as an object she doesn’t even know him, and vice versa.
Angst Legion
Angst Legion 2 сарын өмнө
no. 3 is dangerous as you see the other as how you want them to be rather than how they actually are.
Angst Legion
Angst Legion 2 сарын өмнө
Romeo and juliet is the reason why i hate shakespear.
Zein Albasam
Zein Albasam 2 сарын өмнө
Rick rimes
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
I'm a music teacher that likes to watch quantum physics videos to relax Love is confusing
elenabob 2 сарын өмнө
If you don't live yourself how do you expect for others to do it?
Sally Bradshaw
Sally Bradshaw 3 сарын өмнө
Everyone should go watch Shadiversity's video called "In Defense of Love at First Sight".
Michaels Music
Michaels Music Сарын өмнө
Sounds good, could use some lernin' I'm a music teacher that likes to watch quantum physics videos to relax Love is confusing
soakedbearrd 3 сарын өмнө
Not a surprise because Hollywood poisons every virtue.
Tristan Phoenix-Walton
Tristan Phoenix-Walton Сарын өмнө
@Real_Slim_Shady Hollywood is escapism. That's about it.
Real_Slim_Shady 2 сарын өмнө
I don’t disagree but Isn’t Hollywood art? And people want Art to reflect life and be realistic and human
Invisible Man
Invisible Man 3 сарын өмнө
You missed one. "If your girlfriend hits you then that's not abusive, it just shows you that you messed up and you deserve it. Plus it's funny and/or feisty."
Benderman 3 сарын өмнө
Movies teach people that, in order to be happy, whole and healthy, you MUST have a relationship, but it's the other way around: you must be happy, healthy and feel whole BEFORE having a relationship.
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